


In My Life I Love You More

by moongirl24



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 12:11:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moongirl24/pseuds/moongirl24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not easy being secretly in love with your best friend. Especially when your name is Blaine Anderson, the year is 1965 and your best friend is a boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I've Just Seen a Face

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written for [kbl_reversebang](http://kbl-reversebang.livejournal.com/).
> 
> This is a terrible and heartbreaking time for our fandom and I really just want to give everyone a big hug! *hugs* Posting fic feels kind of weird right now but I hope that those who read this will still enjoy it. I promise this is mostly a happy story.
> 
> A huge thank you to [sweetiejelly](http://sweetiejelly.livejournal.com/) for being my beta and for being so wonderfully supportive! You are the best! ♥
> 
> Also thank you to my artist [emc14](http://emc14.livejournal.com/) who made the art that inspired this story and who gave me feedback and encouragement throughout the writing process. Thank you!
> 
> And finally, a big thank you to the mods for running this challenge. I’ve absolutely loved being a part of it!
> 
> I’ve tried my best to make everything in this story as accurate as possible but I was not yet born in the sixties and research could only tell me so much. I apologize if something seems off!
> 
> The title, chapter titles and all songs used in this story are borrowed from the Beatles.

Part 1 – I’ve Just Seen a Face

_Lima, Ohio, 1965_

Blaine Anderson realizes he’s in love with Kurt Hummel on a Wednesday.

It starts off as a pretty ordinary Wednesday. Blaine is sitting in math class, listening to the teacher speaking about geometry. That’s what he’s supposed to be doing, anyway. As it is, his mind is focused on mentally picturing the chords to the Beatles song he’s currently trying to learn on guitar. He loves _Eight Days a Week_ , but it’s been difficult to get it right. He’s not quite able to get it to sound the way the Beatles do and it’s getting frustrating.

Then again, no one will ever sound as good as the Beatles. 

After a while his thoughts start to drift away from the chords and his attention is instead drawn towards Kurt, his best friend, who’s sitting at the desk right next to Blaine’s. The sun is filtering through the classroom windows, bathing Kurt in soft, golden light that makes him look like he’s glowing. He looks almost ethereal all of a sudden, and with a start Blaine starts to notice things about him that he hasn’t really thought about before.

He suddenly notices how flawless and soft Kurt’s skin looks, which he supposes has to do with how much time and effort Kurt put into his skin care routines. (Blaine has never really understood Kurt’s obsession with it before, but he can see now that it has its benefits.)

He notices how nicely styled Kurt’s hair is, how his clothes fit him so perfectly in Kurt’s own unique style, and it’s not like he has been completely unaware of those things before, but he now finds himself… appreciating them in a whole new way. 

His eyes suddenly want to linger on the lines of Kurt’s shoulders and the elegant curve of his neck, the way he keeps his head held high, holding himself with so much grace and pride because that’s who he is.

He notices Kurt’s eyes, his nose, his defined bone structure that makes his face so much more interesting than everyone else’s. 

He finds himself staring at Kurt’s mouth, his lips, wondering what it would feel like to– 

Blaine startles in his seat and the world seems to stop for a moment. He blinks, and then blinks again, as realization slowly begins to dawn on him.

And then he finally gets it.

Suddenly he understands why he’s never been interested in girls the way most of his friends are. He understands why he’s never paid much attention to their soft curves and round breasts, why Sam’s endless chatter about girls, and about kissing girls, mostly just bore him.

Blaine doesn’t want to kiss girls. He wants to kiss Kurt.

He finds it harder to breathe all of a sudden, and it’s completely impossible to tear his eyes away from Kurt. How come he’s never noticed how stunningly beautiful Kurt is?

It isn’t until Sam pokes him in the back with his pencil that Blaine manages to pull his gaze away. He answers Sam’s whispered question to borrow a pencil sharpener by wordlessly handing him one, still in a daze, still stunned by his revelation.

The rest of the class is spent stealing glances at Kurt and not hearing a word the teacher says.

 

\----

 

Alone in his room that afternoon, Blaine speaks the word out loud for the first time in his life.

Gay.

He’s heard the word before, of course. Being gay is not unheard of, but it isn’t something that people talk about either. And when they do it’s always in hushed voices and unfavorable manners, like it’s an ugly secret that shouldn’t be spoken out loud, because doing so might encourage it, and encouraging it is the last thing you want to do.

Blaine has never thought much about it. Why would he? Being gay is something that those activists that he’s seen on TV and heard about in the news are. It’s never had anything to do with him.

Until now.

He says it again, experimentally, tasting it on his tongue.

Gay.

Is Blaine really… like that? Like those people that shouldn’t be talked about? He isn’t quite able to identify himself with them because he’s just Blaine, a normal kid from small town Ohio. At least, he thought he was normal.

Apparently he isn’t. It’s not normal to want to kiss your best friend. Not when your best friend is a guy and you’re a guy, too.

He sighs and grabs his guitar, playing a few random chords before launching into the first Beatles song that comes to mind. He just needs to focus on something else right now and music has rarely failed him in the past.

Tonight, however, nothing really seems to help.

 

\----

 

Over the next couple of days it only gets worse.

Now that he’s discovered that there is a different way to look at Kurt, he can’t seem to stop doing just that. No matter what Kurt says or does, Blaine finds it utterly adorable and charming. He realizes that there’s genuine attraction going on here. He’s actually _attracted_ to Kurt in a way that is completely new and foreign to him. What happened in math class on Wednesday wasn’t just a crazy moment of weirdness. It was the beginning of something that seems to grow bigger and bigger every time he spends time with Kurt, or talks with him, or just… looks him. And to be honest, it scares him a little. Or a lot.

On Friday at the beginning of lunch hour, Kurt finds him by his locker. 

“Whatever plans you have tonight, they are now canceled,” he says by way of greeting.

“Okay,” Blaine agrees easily because he doesn’t actually have any plans tonight. Nothing other than playing Beatles songs on his guitar, most likely sad love songs about Kurt. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Kurt says, clearly excited, if the way he seems unable to stand still is any indication. “My dad said I can borrow his car tonight. Which means that you and I are going to the movies.”

“We are?” Blaine’s heart sinks a little, because that sounds undeniably date-like and that’s the last thing he should be doing with Kurt right now.

“ _The Sound of Music_ , Blaine!” Kurt exclaims, sounding exasperated. “We’ve talked about it for weeks.”

Right, they have. Kurt, in particular. A new Julie Andrews movie is a big thing for him, as big as a new Beatles record would be for Blaine. And Blaine already agreed to hang out with Kurt tonight. There’s no way he’s going to get out of this one.

“What time does it start?” He relents with a small sigh. 

Kurt’s face brightens as he claps his hands together excitedly. It’s such a typical Kurt thing to do, but how come Blaine’s never noticed how cute he looks when he’s doing it?

“It starts at seven,” Kurt says, grabbing the strap of the bag that hangs from his shoulder. “I can pick you up at your house at six?”

 _Date_ , a voice inside his head tells him.

No, not a date, he mentally protests, because it’s _not_. Two boys don’t go on dates together. Besides, he and Kurt have done stuff like this together a hundred times before; this is no different than any of those times. It shouldn’t be, anyway.

“Sounds good,” he says simply, and Kurt flashes him another smile, and why are his smiles suddenly so distracting?

The rest of day carries on the same way. It’s extremely tiring that every single thing he does with Kurt suddenly holds an entirely different meaning. Having lunch together (though their friends are there too, so it’s not like it’s just the two of them). Walking to class together. And then, tonight, their movie date. Which is not a date.

It’s all very confusing.

After school, Blaine spends an hour in the library, discreetly looking up the words “gay” and “homosexuality” in various books and encyclopedias. But he doesn’t find much information, and what he does find is all very neutral and dry, and doesn’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know. He’s not sure what he expected. Maybe just something to tell him that this is all okay, that he isn’t sick or crazy. 

He doesn’t find it.

Blaine finally walks out of the library, defeated. But as he rides his bike home he remembers that he’s going to the movies with Kurt tonight, and that lifts his spirit somewhat. It may all be very complicated right now, but despite everything, Blaine is always, _always_ happy to spend time with Kurt.

 

\----

 

Blaine spends a long time getting ready that night. He hasn’t cared much about appearances before, but suddenly it seems important to look his best for Kurt. Plus, he knows that Kurt appreciates it when he puts some effort into dressing up and looking good.

He’s ready a quarter to six and spends the time until Kurt arrives in the living room watching TV with his mother. She throws him a considering look.

“You look nice, honey.”

“Thank you,” he replies.

“Are you going someplace special?” The question is innocent enough, but he can hear the underlying hope in her voice.

“Just to the movies. With Kurt.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “You spend a lot of time with Kurt,” she says.

It’s not actually a question but he replies anyway. “Of course I do. He’s my best friend.”

“And he’s a very nice boy,” his mother says quickly. “His father is a good, hard-working man.” She’s quiet again, and Blaine knows what’s coming. “Maybe next Friday you can invite a girl to the movies with you.”

Blaine barely keeps himself from sighing. They’ve had this conversation so many times. “Mom, when I find a girl that I like, I’ll be sure to ask her out.”

“I just worry about you, honey,” she tells him. “You spend so much time in your room and with Kurt. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on anything.”

“I don’t.” And then, because it feels important to point it out, “And Kurt isn’t the only one I spend time with. There’s Sam and Mike, too.”

The doorbell rings then, and Blaine jumps to his feet, eager for the conversation to be over. As he makes his way towards the hallway, his mother calls after him, “Remember your curfew!”

“I will!” he calls back before opening the door and revealing Kurt, who looks absolutely stunning in black slacks, a white shirt and grey vest, and his ever-present tie. His hair is as always styled to perfection and his smile is wide and radiant. The fact that Kurt looks good is nothing new, but right now he almost takes Blaine’s breath away.

“Hi,” Kurt says, his entire body seeming to buzz with excitement. “Are you ready?”

Blaine swallows and nods. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

They climb into Mr. Hummel’s old Ford and Kurt starts driving towards the movie theater in the center of Lima. It’s only a short drive, and after parking the car and buying tickets they find a place to sit while they wait for the movie to begin. Kurt chats nonstop about his expectations for the movie and that’s a huge relief to Blaine because he isn’t sure he would’ve been able to hide his troubled state of mind from Kurt if Kurt wasn’t so focused on something else. As it is, Blaine really just has to nod and smile and agree with whatever Kurt says.

Just as they’re about to enter the movie theater, Blaine catches sight of some familiar faces in the now quite large crowd of people waiting to be let in. “Isn’t that Rachel and Finn?” He asks, nodding his head discreetly in their direction.

Kurt looks over at them. “Yeah. I guess they really are dating then.” He pauses, considering. “I can’t say I understand what she sees in him.”

Blaine watches them for a while. They look happy. They are smiling and holding hands, and Rachel looks really pretty in her flowery dress. A pang of sadness hits him unexpectedly. If he really is… gay, then he won’t ever be able to do that. Go on dates with the person he likes, hold hands and flirt in public. He’s not sure, exactly, what would happen if he did, but he isn’t particularly eager to find out. It wouldn’t be pleasant, that’s the only thing he knows.

“Blaine? Are you okay?” He turns to find Kurt considering him, eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve been very quiet tonight. Aren’t you excited about the movie?”

“Of course I am.” He gives Kurt a smile that he hopes is bright enough to convince him. “I’m sorry, I just have some stuff on my mind.”

Kurt’s expression turns into more of a frown. “What kind of stuff? There’s nothing wrong, is there?”

“No, no.” He waves it away. “Just some stuff with my parents.”

That’s not _completely_ untrue, considering the talk he had with his mother before he left the house earlier. He just hopes it’s enough to get Kurt to back off. 

Luckily he never has to find out. Because the doors to the theater open just then, and people begin to make their way inside. “Come on,” he says quickly, before Kurt has time to ask any more questions. “Let’s go in.”

Kurt’s considering gaze lingers on him for a moment longer, but clearly he’s too excited about the movie to focus more on Blaine for the time being. So, instead of saying anything else he just nods and they walk inside and find their seats.

However, as soon as they’re seated and Blaine starts to look around, he can’t help but notice all the couples around them. There are a few groups of girls in the theater as well, but there’s no doubt that the majority of the people there are couples. And as far as Blaine can see, he and Kurt are the only guys who aren’t there with a girl.

He’s never thought much about stuff like this before – he and Kurt have always liked doing things that aren’t typically guy-like – but suddenly he’s hyperaware of it. What do other people think when they see him and Kurt together like this? Do they suspect anything? Not that there’s much to suspect because it’s not like they’re anything other than friends, but still. Is it enough for people to figure out that Blaine is… different?

Once the movie starts, with a beautiful landscape and Julie Andrews twirling and singing out on a green meadow, Blaine is finally able to put his thoughts to rest for a while. The movie is great and it feels really good to sit back and just take in what happens on the screen instead of listening to his chaotic mind.

But then, despite the dim light in the theater, he happens to notice Kurt’s hand lying on the armrest between their seats, and after that he isn’t able to focus so much on the movie anymore. Instead he stares at that hand, overcome with an intense urge to reach out and rest his own hand on top, to link his fingers with Kurt’s and have that connection with him.

It shocks him how much he wants it, and he’s almost surprised that he manages to hold himself back.

He steals a glance at Kurt, just to see if he’s noticed the staring, but Kurt seems completely engrossed by the movie. His eyes are large, like a small child’s, a little smile playing on his lips. He looks adorable.

Blaine relaxes a little and lets himself look at Kurt for a while longer, and then, with a fond smile, he forces his attention back to the movie and is proud when he’s able to keep it there until the credits start rolling.

Afterwards, in the car driving home, Kurt talks animatedly, all the way to Blaine’s house. Blaine hardly gets a word in, but that’s okay. He likes seeing Kurt excited.

 

\----

 

“Oh man, did you see Brittany today?” Sam leans closer to Blaine over the table at the Lima Bean, the newly opened coffeehouse in town, like he’s going to share some sort of secret with him.

“Um, I guess.” Blaine takes a careful sip of his steaming hot coffee. “Why?”

Sam looks at him incredulously. “ _Why_? Didn’t you see what she was wearing?”

Blaine racks his brain, but he can’t remember anything in particular. When he continues to look blank, Sam shakes his head.

“You didn’t notice the tiny mini skirt? Or that top? That very… generous cut top? She looked _fine_ , man.”

It suddenly hits Blaine that he has to lie. At least if he wants to avoid Sam starting to ask questions or thinking that he’s weird. And that is something that he needs to avoid at all costs. So he gives Sam a wide grin that he hopes looks genuine. “I’m kidding, of course I noticed. How could I not?”

Sam looks almost relieved and his grin widens. “I know! Everyone noticed. At least all the guys did.” He leans in closer. “I asked her out.”

“You did?” Blaine is surprised, but he supposes he shouldn’t be – Sam’s been interested in Brittany for a while now. “What did she say?”

“Well, that’s the thing…” He looks at Blaine. “She said she’ll come if Santana can come, too.”

Blaine furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “That’s… a little weird.”

“Not if you come with us.”

Blaine sits back in his chair. He blinks. “You want… you want me to go out with you, Brittany and Santana Lopez?”

“Please, man? I really want this date with Brittany, and if you come then you can entertain Santana so Brittany and I can have some alone time together.”

Blaine just stares at him. “You’re joking, right?”

“Um… no?”

“In what world would you think that I would want to go out with Santana Lopez? We have nothing in common, Sam. I don’t even like her.” He shakes his head. Because really, Santana Lopez? Even if he did like girls, she would’ve been the last one he would want to go out with. To be honest, she kind of scares him.

“Oh, come on, Blaine. Help a friend out here.”

Blaine shakes his head again. “No. It’s not going to happen. Why don’t you ask Mike instead? Or wait, ask Puck. Everybody knows that he and Santana get along.”

Sam makes a small grimace, clearly knowing what Blaine means by ‘getting along’. But he actually seems to consider Blaine’s suggestion.

Blaine finishes the last of his coffee and gets to his feet. “I have to go.”

Sam looks disappointed. “Are you going to hang out with Kurt again?”

Blaine startles a little. Are people noticing how much time he and Kurt spend together? Do they suspect anything? “No,” he says truthfully. “I promised I’d be home for dinner. My dad is actually eating with us, for once.”

“Okay.” Sam seems to settle for that. “I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah.” Blaine nods. “See you.”

Blaine feels a bit uneasy as he walks outside to find his bike. And more than a little shaken. Shaken by the realization of how easy it would be for him to say or do something that would make people start asking questions. He honestly didn’t notice anything special about Brittany today, but it sounded like he should have. Any normal boy would have.

And that leads him to the thing that shook him the most during his conversation with Sam.

Blaine’s not normal. Not according to what most people think anyway. There are things about him that are different and that isn’t going to change. He’s never going to fall in love with a girl. And in a way he’s known that ever since that day in the classroom, but somehow he didn’t fully understand what it means until now.

It means hiding. Pretending to be someone else than who he truly is. It means having to lie, to his family, to his friends. It means not being able to marry, have a family. Not being able to be affectionate with someone in public. It could mean that he’ll never get a chance to find a special someone.

It means that he has feelings that a lot of people, most people probably, find disgusting and wrong.

Blaine sits through dinner with his parents without saying much. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so lonely.


	2. I Want to Hold Your Hand

Part 2 – I Want to Hold Your Hand

If Blaine had thought that things would somehow get easier over the next few weeks and months, he was wrong.

He goes by his days as usual – going to school, attending glee club, spending time with his friends and Kurt (that’s how he thinks about it these days – there are his friends and then there’s Kurt), doing homework, playing guitar and listening to his Beatles records. He tries to act the way he’s always done and so far no one seems to have noticed anything different about him. But he had no idea it would be so hard to pretend that everything is normal.

He always has to think before he speaks now, in case whatever he’s about to say could be interpreted the wrong way, or worse, he lets something slip that he absolutely shouldn’t. He’s always careful how he acts and what he does, not wanting anyone to notice that there are things about him that are different now. Even though, when he thinks about it, he supposes he really isn’t different than how he was before. He’s probably always been this way; he’s just now realizing it.

Still, that doesn’t change the fact that to him, it feels like the change is happening now.

It’s harder to be around Kurt, too. Blaine still loves spending time with him – he doesn’t think there will ever come a time when he won’t – but he’s constantly afraid of letting something slip. Blaine finds himself wanting to hold Kurt’s hand, or hug him, or preferably kiss him. And lately, alone in his bed at night, he’s started thinking about how it would feel like to be even more intimate with him. He always feels embarrassed about those thoughts in the morning, especially when he sees Kurt, but he can’t help it. The more time that passes, the more he wants to be with Kurt, in every way.

Summer comes and goes, quietly and uneventfully. Blaine hangs out with Kurt and his other friends and tries his best to act as if nothing has changed. Because nothing really has, not outside of his own head, anyway. It’s difficult though, and he’s almost looking forward to going back to school, just so he’ll have more things to occupy his mind with.

“Here, taste this,” Kurt says, holding up a spoonful of sauce for Blaine to taste. It’s one of the last days of freedom before they start their senior year, and they’re in the kitchen at Kurt’s house, where Kurt is making dinner and Blaine is attempting to help. Kurt has always been a bit of a control freak in the kitchen though, so he doesn’t let Blaine contribute much. Currently he’s left Blaine in charge of the potatoes, which means that Blaine’s pretty much just standing there, because there isn’t a whole lot or anything really to do with potatoes while they’re boiling.

Blaine dutifully opens his mouth to accept the sauce that Kurt is offering him. It tastes amazing, of course. Kurt never makes anything that’s less than perfect. Blaine gives him the thumbs up while he swallows.

“It’s all right?” Kurt looks at him.

“It’s perfect,” Blaine tells him and Kurt gives him a quick smile before turning to the stove to turn the heat down. As always, Blaine’s heart seems to do an extra jump when Kurt smiles at him. Kurt really has the most beautiful smile.

There’s some movement behind them and when Blaine turns around, Kurt’s dad is watching them from the doorway, dressed in his usual work clothes.

“Hi, dad,” Kurt says cheerfully. “I invited Blaine to stay for dinner. I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Mr. Hummel says, in that gruff voice of his. He moves his gaze to Blaine. “Hello, Blaine. Good to see you.”

“You too, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine says, smiling briefly at Kurt’s dad. He’s always liked Burt Hummel, who’s pretty much the complete opposite of Blaine’s own father. They’re both hard-working men, but while Blaine hardly ever sees his dad, much less talks with him, Kurt’s dad seems to always be around, despite his often long hours at the tire shop. Burt Hummel is the kind of dad you can confide in, Blaine thinks – the kind of dad who will always be on your side. He may look intimidating on the outside, and after years of being Kurt’s friend Blaine knows that he definitely can be, but he’s also fair and solid and really, really great.

However, Blaine can’t help but think that maybe Burt Hummel wouldn’t welcome him so easily into his house if he knew what kind of thoughts Blaine’s been having about his son for the past few months.

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” Mr. Hummel says, looking down at his coveralls, dirty from spending all day fixing cars. “The food smells great, Kurt.”

“It’ll be ready in ten minutes,” Kurt says and his dad nods and leaves for the bathroom. Kurt looks at Blaine. “Would you mind setting the table?”

“Are you sure I can be trusted with such an important task?” Blaine asks, mock-serious, and then moves away before Kurt can smack his arm. Blaine laughs and Kurt shakes his head and grins at the same time, and it feels really good to just joke around for a bit. That’s what they’ve always done, but for the past few months, at least from Blaine’s side, everything has been so serious. It’s like he forgets sometimes, in the middle of his inner turmoil, that they’re still best friends and that Kurt is still the same person that he’s always been.

Blaine starts setting the table while Kurt concentrates on preparing the meat. Blaine can’t help but watch him though, the way he moves so easily around the kitchen, everything familiar and natural to him. In that regard he’s so different from Blaine, who knows nothing at all about cooking, except the few things that Kurt has attempted to teach him over the years. At his house, his mother does all the cooking and baking, and Blaine usually only sets foot in the kitchen to eat. Here, Kurt’s in charge of all the food. According to him, his dad is a hopeless case when it comes to cooking, and shouldn’t be allowed within five feet of the stove or the oven. The two of them seem to have settled on some sort of mutual agreement where Kurt cooks and Burt cleans up afterwards, and clearly it works for them.

Blaine has always been impressed with Kurt and everything he does around the house. Kurt does his own laundry and he cleans, too. Blaine hardly ever does any of those things. He wouldn’t even know how to use a washing machine.

Blaine knows, of course, that a big part of the reason why Kurt does so much in the house is because his mother’s not around. She died when Kurt and Blaine were eight, and Blaine only vaguely remembers her. He didn’t come to Kurt’s house very often back then because Mrs. Hummel was sick a lot. He remembers trying to be there for Kurt after she’d passed away, but it’s not easy to know what to do when you’re eight and doesn’t really understand everything that’s going on. Mostly he just tried to be a good friend.

The dinner is, unsurprisingly, amazing. Blaine and Mr. Hummel pay Kurt compliments and Kurt beams from his side of the table. Afterwards, Mr. Hummel ushers them into the living room, and Blaine and Kurt settle down on the couch to watch TV. There’s not much on though, and Kurt sighs and tells Blaine for probably the hundredth time that he can’t wait for _The Patty Duke Show_ to start again. Not long after, he falls asleep, his head falling to rest heavily on Blaine’s shoulder.

It’s not the first time Kurt has fallen asleep like that, but it feels different now. It feels like… more. Blaine watches him sleep, loves how open and vulnerable his face looks like this. He lets his thoughts drift, wondering how things would be like if he and Kurt actually were… well, _more_. He finds it surprisingly easy to imagine. Maybe it would be just like tonight. Making dinner together, eating together, watching TV together in the living room, Kurt falling asleep next to him. Maybe Blaine would find a blanket to cover Kurt with, just to be sure he wouldn’t be cold, and then kiss Kurt lightly on the forehead or on the mouth, making Kurt smile in his sleep…

“Blaine?”

Blaine startles, quickly snapping back to reality, and looks up to see Mr. Hummel standing just inside the living room between the couch and the door. Blaine can feel his cheeks grow hot and it feels as if his entire face must reveal what he was thinking, but Mr. Hummel only looks amused.

“I’m gonna go fix that step out front,” he says, making a vague gesture towards the front of the house. His eyes linger on Kurt for a moment. “The kid works too hard. Make sure he gets some sleep.”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine promises, looking down at Kurt, who’s still sleeping soundly next to him. He waits for Mr. Hummel to leave the room and for the front door to slam shut behind him, and then he sighs and rests his head against Kurt’s, closing his eyes.

He knows that this is probably the closest he’s going to get to Kurt. He knows how precious this moment is, knows that he needs to savor it in order to never forget it.

So that’s what he tries to do.

 

\----

 

 “I think Tina has a crush on you,” Kurt informs Blaine one afternoon, looking over at him from his position on the bed. He’s lying on his stomach, feet in the air and ankles crossed as he’s flipping through the latest issue of _Vogue_. Blaine is on the floor, trying to finish up a paper for his history class tomorrow. Any hope he might have had that the teachers would keep the workload on a manageable level early in the school year was crushed already during the first week. He’s been writing furiously for the past half hour, eager to be finished, but now his head snaps up in surprise.

“Tina? Really?” The thought has never even hit him. He’s always assumed that if Tina is into anyone, it’s Kurt.

“Is that so weird?”

“I guess not, but… how do you know?”

Kurt looks at him as if that should have been obvious. “She’s my best friend, Blaine. Well, other than you, of course. I know her.”

“Yeah, I know that, but… did she tell you?”

“Not in so many words.” Kurt shrugs. “But she talks about you more lately. Asks me about this and that. Something is definitely going on with her.”

Blaine takes a moment to let this new information sink in. He hasn’t noticed anything different about Tina lately, but he isn’t close to her like Kurt is. She’s probably his favorite girl at school though, so he supposes there are worse things than her having a crush on him.

Still, she’s not Kurt.

“So, why are you telling me?” Blaine asks. “She’s your friend; shouldn’t you keep this stuff to yourself?”

Kurt bites his lip. “I just thought that… maybe, if you like her too, you could…” He trails off.

“Kurt, don’t you think that if I liked Tina I would have told you?”

“Maybe not,” Kurt counters in a way that makes it sound like this is something he’s been thinking about a lot. “I mean, with you being my friend and she being my friend, maybe you thought it would be awkward.”

Blaine considers that for a moment, not sure if he’s finding this conversation awkward or amusing or just _sad_. “Well, I don’t like her,” he says. “I mean, she’s great, but I don’t like her like that.”

“Okay.”

Kurt doesn’t look like he’s done talking though, and Blaine waits patiently until Kurt finally asks, “Why don’t you ever talk to me about stuff like that?”

“Stuff like what?”

“You know… about girls.” Kurt looks down at his magazine. “There must be someone that you like, or have liked at some point, but you’ve never said anything.” He sounds sad, almost hurt.

Blaine looks at him for a long time. Everything in him aches to tell Kurt the truth, to take him in his arms, kiss him senseless and just say the words. _That’s because I don’t care about girls, Kurt. I care about you._ He doesn’t, though. He can’t. He wants to cry because it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he has someone so amazing in his life, someone he loves more than anything, and he can’t even let the person know.

He finally looks down at his hands, smiling sadly. “There’s no girl that I’m interested in like that, Kurt. I would have told you if there was.”

Kurt nods slowly and looks up again, giving Blaine the briefest of smiles. His words get Blaine thinking though. He looks at the magazine that Kurt is reading. “Do you ever think about how the stuff we do together isn’t what most other guys do? I mean, going to the movies, cooking dinner.” He nods towards the magazine. “Reading _Vogue_.”

Kurt lifts his chin a little. “Yeah, of course I do,” he says immediately. “But I don’t care. I’m not like most boys, but so what?” He looks at Blaine like he’s challenging him. “Do you care? That we’re… different, I guess?”

“No,” Blaine says quickly, even though he knows that’s not entirely true. “But don’t you ever think about what people might be thinking about us? What they might be saying behind our backs?”

“No,” Kurt says adamantly. “And anyway, you wouldn’t be the one they talk about. You hang out with guys, you play guitar, you like football. You like normal things, Blaine. Me? Not so much. But it doesn’t matter. I’m happy with who I am.”

Blaine believes him. Kurt has always been proud, confident. He’s his own person and he embraces it to the fullest. Blaine has often wished he was more like Kurt.

“Don’t ever change, Kurt,” he says quietly. “You’re the most amazing person I know.”

Blaine hadn’t actually meant to say that out loud and Kurt clearly hadn’t expected to hear it, because he looks completely taken aback by Blaine’s words. He blinks a few times, his eyes glistening just a little. “I’m not planning to.”

“Good.”

They look at each other in silence for a while. Kurt almost looks like he wants to cry and Blaine is not sure why. After a while though, Kurt turns his attention back to the magazine and Blaine makes another attempt at finishing his history paper.

For the rest of the night Kurt is quieter than usual, and Blaine regrets having brought up the subject of what other people might be thinking. Kurt acts like it doesn’t bother him, but maybe he isn’t so indifferent about it after all. He might care more than he’s letting on.

Blaine wouldn’t blame him if he did.

Later that night, in his room after returning from Kurt’s house, Blaine picks up his guitar and plays a few songs. But he isn’t really feeling it, so he puts on one of his Beatles records instead. He lies on his bed and closes his eyes while the familiar sound of _A Hard Day’s Night_ fills the room, and not for the first time he wishes things were different.

 

\----

 

 It turns out that being around Kurt and pretending that everything is normal becomes harder and harder every single day. Blaine tries, he really does, but eventually it comes to a point where he isn’t sure he can do it much longer.

Kurt is beautiful and perfect and he makes Blaine’s heart beat twice as hard just by looking at him, and Blaine has to act as if none of that affects him. When Kurt steps in to fix Blaine’s shirt collar, or tuck a strand of hair that’s managed to escape from Blaine’s solid layer of Brylcreem back into place, Blaine has to pretend like he isn’t at all bothered by Kurt’s closeness. And when they hang out together, seemingly the same way they’ve always done, Blaine spends most of the time trying not to stare at Kurt and the rest making sure that Kurt doesn’t notice when he does.

Blaine can feel himself starting to pull away Kurt and he kind of hates himself for it, but it feels like he doesn’t have a choice. If he doesn’t stay away from him right now, Kurt will eventually find out the truth and their friendship will be over forever. And Blaine knows that no matter what, he needs Kurt in his life. Even if it’s only as friends, even if they’re not even that.

But it’s so hard to say no when Kurt invites him over after school or to dinner with him and his dad. Blaine loves hanging out at Kurt’s house and he loves hanging out with Kurt, but he has to keep his distance right now. Maybe later, if he gets his feelings for Kurt under control or if he’s able to stop feeling this way all together, he can go back to spending time with Kurt the way he used to. But right now it feels impossible. No matter how hard it is to watch Kurt’s face fall every time Blaine tells him that he has other plans.

Blaine starts hanging out with Sam and Mike more. Sam has some sort of thing going on with Brittany now and isn’t always available, but Mike is there, and even though Blaine has been friends with him for years, they have never spent as much time together as they do now. They don’t actually have that much in common, but they both like football. Mike is on the school football team and Blaine spends many afternoons in Mike’s backyard with Mike and a ball. Sometimes they hang out with some of the guys on the team, and that’s fun too, but Blaine never really feels like he belongs with them. He likes football, but all the talk about it gets boring after a while. And listening to them talk about girls isn’t particularly interesting to him, either.

He wants to cry with frustration sometimes. If only he could feel about girls the way they do, then everything would be so much easier. He and Kurt would be best friends the way they’ve always been and everything would be okay.

He misses Kurt like crazy. They still spend time together sometimes, but it isn’t the same anymore. It’s like there’s an invisible wall between them now that neither of them know how to break through. And seeing Kurt at school, seeing the way he looks at Blaine, so hurt and disappointed and sad, it kills Blaine. He can barely stand it, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever felt this miserable. And if he thought that distancing himself from Kurt would somehow help him get over him, he was sorely mistaken. He thinks about Kurt all the time. It’s like the less Blaine sees him, the more Kurt invades his thoughts.

It feels like no matter what he does, he can’t win.

He’s so tired. So tired of doing the opposite of what he wants. So tired of pretending. So tired of staying away from his best friend when all he wants to do is to spend every waking minute with him.

So when Kurt suddenly stands on his doorstep one late October evening, quietly asking to come inside, Blaine just stares at him in surprise for a moment (it’s been weeks since Kurt has been at his house) and then lets him in without a word.

They walk up the stairs to Blaine’s room, Kurt first, Blaine following right behind. Inside his room, Kurt tentatively sits down on Blaine’s bed while Blaine takes the desk chair. For a while neither of them speaks and Blaine lets his eyes linger on Kurt’s face, taking in the underlying sadness in his eyes, the determined set of his jaw. He looks about as tired as Blaine feels and Blaine’s heart clenches painfully at seeing Kurt like that.

Kurt lifts his head. “You’ve been avoiding me lately,” he says, getting straight to the point. “And I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s something that I’ve done, or something that I haven’t done, or… I don’t know. But I want you to tell me so I can fix it. Because you’re my best friend, Blaine, and I can’t stand us being like this.”

Blaine swallows. He doesn’t say anything. Kurt looks so stunningly gorgeous like this, his head held high, defiant, like he’s steeling himself for the worst but also like he’s determined to get through this no matter what happens. That’s how Kurt always approaches things. With pride, dignity and courage.

Kurt is the bravest person he knows.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Kurt,” he says eventually. “Believe me. I’ve just been going through some stuff and I had to do it by myself.”

“Why?” Kurt asks. “You and I have always shared things. We’ve always been there for each other. What’s changed? Why do you suddenly feel like you can’t talk to me?”

“Because… I can’t. Okay? I can’t talk to anyone about this. Not even you.”

Kurt’s expression turns worried, almost scared. “Are… are you in trouble, Blaine? Is that it? Are you involved in something… criminal?”

“No, Kurt, no.” Blaine shakes his head, almost wanting to laugh at how ridiculous it is that he’s distanced himself from Kurt to the point where Kurt’s worried he’s become a criminal, and closes his eyes for a moment. “It’s nothing like that. I’m okay, I just… I’m going through some changes.”

Kurt looks at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble. “Changes. Like… you don’t want to be friends with me anymore? You want to hang out with Sam and Mike and the other guys? If that’s how it is, Blaine, then… tell me. Don’t just keep avoiding me.”

Blaine doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to say to convince Kurt that everything is okay without hurting him or telling him too much. “That’s not how it is, Kurt. You’re my best friend and you’re more important to me than anyone else. You have to believe that.”

Kurt shakes his head and blinks away some tears. “It’s kind of hard to believe it when you never want to spend time with me anymore. When you’re doing everything to avoid me at school and spend all your time with your other friends. It doesn’t feel like I’m all that important to you.”

“But you are,” Blaine says quietly, helplessly. And then, even more quiet, “You have no idea.”

Kurt just shakes his head again. “I just don’t understand. I don’t understand what happened. I just know that… it feels like I’m losing you.” His voice breaks and he wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“But that’s the thing, Kurt.” Blaine leans forward, willing Kurt to understand. “I’m doing this so that you won’t have to lose me. I’m doing this so that we can still be in each other lives.”

“But what is ‘this’?” Kurt looks so confused and heartbroken that Blaine can barely stand to look at him. “What’s going on? You’re not making sense, Blaine, and quite frankly you’re starting to scare me.”

“No, don’t…” Blaine sighs, looking down. “It’s nothing that you have to worry about. I promise. Like I said, I’m just going through something.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what it is.” Kurt sounds angry and sad at the same time.

“I can’t, Kurt.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly, making Blaine look up at him. “Because you _can_ tell me. No matter what it is that you’re going through. I don’t know what you’re scared of, but… I won’t ever turn my back on you. No matter what’s going on, I’ll be there. But what I can’t stand is you pushing me away. Don’t you understand? You’re keeping me out and you say it’s because you want us to still be friends, but what you’re doing right now? That’s going to be the end of our friendship, Blaine.”

Blaine looks at him, straight into those beautiful eyes that seem to bore right into his soul, eyes that hold nothing but careful hope and quiet support and that sadness that’s been lingering for far too long now and that Blaine desperately wants to chase away. He’s so tired. He’s so tired of keeping Kurt out, of hurting him when all he wants to do is show him how much he really cares.

He knows that Kurt’s right. This could be the end of their friendship. If he tells Kurt the truth, Blaine will most likely lose him. But if he doesn’t, he’s still going to lose him. So it doesn’t really matter what he does. All he knows is that he’s sick of pretending.

So he sighs and closes his eyes, breathing in and out a few times. Then he opens them again and takes his guitar from where it’s leaning against his desk. Finding the right words to say at a moment like this feels impossible, but maybe, instead of talking about it, he can sing about it. He runs his fingers over the strings a few times, checking the sound, trying to keep his hands from trembling so much. The weight of the moment feels heavy in his stomach and he takes a deep breath, looks straight into Kurt’s questioning eyes, and sings.

  
_Oh yeah, I'll tell you something_   
_I think you'll understand_   
_When I'll say that something_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_

_Oh please, say to me_   
_You'll let me be your man_   
_And please, say to me_   
_You'll let me hold your hand_   
_I'll let me hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_

_And when I touch you I feel happy_   
_Inside_   
_It's such a feeling that my love_   
_I can't hide_   
_I can't hide_   
_I can't hide_

_Yeah, you've got that something_   
_I think you'll understand_   
_When I'll say that something_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_

_And when I touch you I feel happy_   
_Inside_   
_It's such a feeling that my love_   
_I can't hide_   
_I can't hide_   
_I can't hide_

_Yeah, you've got that something_   
_I think you'll understand_   
_When I'll feel that something_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_   
_I wanna hold your hand_

 

The room is dead silent after the last sound of the guitar has died out. Blaine doesn’t move. He’s still looking straight at Kurt, Kurt who has tears rolling down his cheeks and looks like someone just slapped him. Blaine has never seen that look in his eyes before and he can’t make out what it means. Kurt’s breath hitches and a hand goes to his chest, but no words come out.

“Kurt, say something,” Blaine urges quietly. There’s no doubt in Blaine’s mind that Kurt understood what the song means. He understood completely. But he doesn’t say anything and Blaine can’t take the silence.

Kurt slowly pushes himself to his feet, swaying a little, like his legs can’t quite hold him. He’s no longer looking at Blaine. “I have to go,” he says quietly.

Dread fills Blaine, settling like a heavy lump in his throat. “No, Kurt,” he says, because Kurt has to talk to him right now. “You have to say something.”

“Not now, Blaine,” Kurt says, still not looking at him. “I… I can’t.”

He leaves the room without another word, moving quickly, like he can’t get out soon enough. Blaine can hear his footsteps down the stairs and then the front door slamming shut behind him as he leaves the house.

Blaine stares after him for what feels like ages and then he carefully sets his guitar aside. He hides his face in his hands, willing himself not to cry.

He was prepared for this to happen, but it still hurts.


	3. Words of Love

Part 3 – Words of Love

Blaine hardly sleeps that night.

Instead he’s tossing and turning, staring out into the darkness of the room and picturing Kurt’s face, the way he’d looked when he realized what Blaine was trying to tell him. There had been so many different emotions flitting across his face at that moment – shock, disbelief, fear and something else that Blaine still hasn’t been able to identify.

But it hardly matters now. Kurt’s hurried exit from Blaine’s room made it pretty clear what he thought about Blaine’s confession.

Blaine turns around and buries his face in the pillow. He knew that telling Kurt the truth would be a huge risk. He knew he might end up losing Kurt as a result. Still, deep down he’d hoped that Kurt would understand. He’d hoped that their friendship would be strong enough to survive this the way it’s survived everything else over the years.

Clearly, that’s not going to happen.

Something is tapping against his window, disrupting him in his half-awake, somewhat drowsy state. He figures it must be the wind and closes his eyes for another attempt at sleep, but the noise doesn’t stop and to be honest it doesn’t sound like wind. Blaine sits up in bed and checks the alarm clock on his nightstand. The clock hands tell him that it’s a few minutes past six in the morning.

The noise outside his window continues, until Blaine realizes with a start that he knows that sound. He’s heard it a hundred times before, just never in the middle of the night.

It’s the sound of someone throwing rocks against his window.

And Blaine knows only one person who would do that.

He jumps out of bed, almost stumbling into the desk in his rush to move, and hurries over to the window. His heart is hammering against his chest as he pushes the curtains aside, hope and fear battling for power within him.

It’s early enough that it’s still dark outside and Blaine can just barely make out Kurt’s form against the lawn below his bedroom window. He’s huddled together against the cold and is just lifting his arm to throw another rock when Blaine looks out the window. Kurt lets his arm sink back down and Blaine quickly gets the window open. The cold night air that hits him is a shock to the system, making him feel wide awake.

“Kurt?” he half whispers, because his parents’ bedroom isn’t far away from his and the last thing he wants right now is for them to wake up.

Kurt rocks back and forth on his feet, looking hesitant. “Can I come inside?” His voice sounds small and uncertain.

“Yeah.” Blaine tries not to show how surprised he is at this turn of events. “Of course. Hang on; I’ll meet you at the door.”

Blaine can’t help the flash of hope that surges through him as he hurries down the stairs, as quickly and quietly as he can. Kurt is here. He obviously wants to talk. Maybe they can still figure this out somehow. Blaine knows he’ll do anything to make that happen. He needs Kurt, and more importantly, he wants Kurt in his life, in any way that he can. The thought of losing him is so painful that he hasn’t been able to wrap his head around the possibility.

Downstairs, he unlocks the front door and pushes it open, making room for Kurt to slip inside before closing it again. Kurt is only wearing a thin jacket over his regular clothes and if this was any other time, Blaine would have berated him for not dressing more weather appropriate and Kurt would have patiently explained to him, once again, that fashion is important and that this was the only jacket that went with the rest of his outfit.

But this isn’t any of those times. For once, Kurt doesn’t look like he put a whole lot of thought into his clothes before putting them on. He looks instead as if he threw on the first available items he could find. But he still looks good, and Blaine feels underdressed and a bit silly in his blue and white striped pajamas.

They walk up the stairs to Blaine’s room without saying a word, Kurt first and Blaine right behind him like the previous day, and once inside, Blaine pushes the door quietly closed. He turns around, leaning heavily against it, and lets his gaze rest on Kurt, taking in the red cheeks, the disheveled hair and the tired eyes. Kurt seems hesitant as he looks around the room, but finally he sits down carefully at the edge of Blaine’s bed.

“You’re here,” Blaine blurts out.

“Yeah,” Kurt says quietly. Then he takes a deep breath and straightens his back. He looks at Blaine. “I wanted to apologize for how I behaved yesterday. I never should have left like that, especially after… after that song. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine says softly, because Kurt is _here_ and that’s all that matters now. “I know it must have come as a surprise.”

Kurt laughs hollowly. “Yeah, you could say that. But I’m still sorry. I behaved like a jerk.”

Blaine just shrugs. “Apology accepted.”

Kurt nods slowly. A ghost of a smile flashes across his face. He seems nervous, almost uncomfortable, and Blaine doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Will you… come sit down?” Kurt asks, awkwardly patting the bed next to him as he throws an uncertain look up at Blaine.

Blaine pushes himself away from the door and moves over to sit next to Kurt. Kurt shifts his gaze down to his lap and twists his hands together. “I haven’t slept all night,” he says quietly.

“Me neither,” Blaine admits. “I was scared that our friendship might be over.”

Kurt flinches and nods almost unnoticeably. “I figured you might think that. That’s why I came so early. I hope that’s okay.”

“Like I said, I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”

“Yeah.”

Silence. Kurt’s still looking at his hands.

“So… you’re here,” Blaine says again. “Does that mean we’re still friends?”

That makes Kurt look up at him, seemingly surprised. “Of course we are. Always. I told you I’d be there for you and I meant it. Even though…” He grimaces. “Even though it must have seemed like I didn’t.”

Blaine lets out a long breath, feeling some of the pent-up tension leaving him. That was all he needed to hear. As long as Kurt’s on his side he knows he can face anything.

“So why did you leave?” Blaine asks after another stretch of silence. “I mean, I know it must have come as a surprise, what I told you with that song. And… you have no idea how much it means to me that you’re here right now. I’ve been carrying around this secret for months and I’ve been so lonely, Kurt, and I didn’t know–”

“Blaine,” Kurt interrupts softly and Blaine stops mid-sentence. “Can I just… say something?”

“Yeah, of course,” Blaine says, making a movement with his hand to indicate that Kurt should continue. “Go ahead.”

“Okay.”

Kurt looks down again and starts fiddling with a button on the shirt he’s wearing. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Blaine doesn’t either. He gets the sense that whatever Kurt is about to say is important and needs to be said uninterrupted. It’s making Blaine quite nervous, to be honest. He has no idea what Kurt is about to say, but Kurt acts like it’s something big, or something that’s hard for him to talk about, and that doesn’t really make things any better.

Finally a little sigh escapes Kurt and he looks up, directly at Blaine, and says, very quietly, “I’ve loved you for years, Blaine.”

Blaine blinks, staring dumbly at Kurt. He must have heard him wrong. “You’ve… what?”

“I think you heard me.”

“But…” Blaine doesn’t even know what to say. Doesn’t know if he even understands this correctly. He can’t be.

“I realized when I was fourteen that I liked you as more than just a friend,” Kurt says, his voice steadier now, surer. “I was confused at first… I didn’t know what was happening to me, but the feelings didn’t go away. So I learned to live with them, got used to hiding that part of me. I never thought that you–” He interrupts himself and shakes his head a little. “When you sang me that song and I understood what you were saying… I was so shocked. I didn’t know how to react, how to deal with it. I couldn’t, I just… I had to get out of the room. It wasn’t fair to you, I know, but I just…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Blaine says, as it slowly begins to dawn on him what’s going on here, even though it seems like something out of a movie. “I know it must have been a shock. I’m… kind of shocked myself right now, to be honest.” He lets out a nervous laugh.

“Sorry,” Kurt says, though he doesn’t actually look all that sorry. “I know how you feel.”

“I know. I’m just… Kurt, I’m not sure I even understand what you’re telling me right now.”

“I think you do.” Kurt looks at him, smiling almost shyly. And he’s right – Blaine does understand. He’s starting to, anyway. He just doesn’t understand how this can be real life. _His_ life.

They continue to look at each other, Kurt’s smile slowly growing wider. It’s one of those smiles that look like it’s impossible to hold in. Relief is written across his entire face, his eyes clear and open and no longer tired. “So we’re both…”

Blaine shakes his head and laughs in disbelief, because this is so far beyond anything he had ever imagined. “I guess so, yeah.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

They’re still looking at each other, both realizing how huge this is. Blaine is still struggling to take it all in. Kurt’s… in love with him? That’s what he said, isn’t it? Blaine can’t even wrap his head around that.

Kurt bites his lip and then he shuffles closer to Blaine on the bed until their legs are almost touching. He looks up at Blaine again, holding his gaze for a moment, and then he reaches over, tentatively taking Blaine’s hand. Blaine’s breath catches and he looks down, watches how Kurt slowly slips his long, elegant fingers between Blaine’s until they’re linked together.

Connected.

It’s getting harder to breathe with Kurt so close to him. But it feels right. Blaine feels like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

Kurt smiles a little, seeming to relax a bit when Blaine doesn’t pull his hand away. “This is what you wanted, right? It’s what you sang to me.”

Blaine nods and takes Kurt’s other hand. “I want everything with you, Kurt.”

Kurt’s smile turns wider, his eyes suddenly glistening with unshed tears. “I want everything with you, too.”

Blaine shakes his head, because how is this happening? “Am I dreaming right now?”

Kurt pulls one of his hands away from Blaine’s grip and dries the tears from his eyes, still smiling. “If you are, we’re having the same dream. And it’s the best one I’ve ever had.”

Blaine can’t hold himself back any longer, not when Kurt is sitting so close and are saying these amazing things, things that Blaine never in a million years thought he’d hear Kurt say. Not when his hand feels so soft and warm and _right_ in Blaine’s. He moves in and presses his lips against Kurt’s, tentative at first, giving Kurt the chance to pull away if he wants to.

But Kurt makes it pretty clear to him that he has no intentions of doing that. Blaine feels his own confidence grow and he opens his mouth a little, experimentally (he’s never done this before, and he’s pretty sure Kurt hasn’t either). Kurt gasps against his lips, a small whimper slipping out of him, and wow, that’s a sound Blaine’s never heard him make before.

They keep going, kissing with more intent, carefully tasting each other, and it’s new and different and the most amazing thing Blaine has felt in his entire life.

He’s _kissing_ Kurt. If he died right now (and it feels like there’s a good chance of that actually happening because his heart is beating rapid fast in his chest), he would die a very, very happy man.

When the kiss ends, Kurt clings to him in a way that makes Blaine want to take care of him, always. And not just the way a friend would. Blaine wants to be so much more than that. He wants to be the one who stands beside Kurt through thick and thin, wants to be his partner in everything, wants to be the one who loves and supports Kurt more than anyone else.

He wants to be Kurt’s _the one_.

He already knows that Kurt is his.

Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and holds him tightly. Kurt sighs and rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder, his arms around Blaine’s waist. “I’ve been dreaming about this for so long,” he whispers.

Blaine leans his head on top of Kurt’s. “It’s happening,” he murmurs. “You have me, Kurt.”

Kurt lets out a shaky breath and wraps his arms tighter around Blaine.

 

\----

 

Blaine has always loved being Kurt’s friend.

Being his boyfriend is a thousand times better.

Blaine thinks that’s what they are now. They haven’t actually defined themselves as that, because somehow they never got to that part, but it seems silly to think otherwise. They’re definitely not just friends anymore, because friends wouldn’t spend hours sharing kisses the way they do. And Blaine doesn’t know about Kurt, but _he_ certainly wouldn’t have kissed anyone like that unless he was serious about them.

Everything has changed between them now, but strangely enough it often feels like things are just the same as they’ve always been. They don’t really spend any more time together than they did before, but then, they’ve always spent a huge part of their free time together (not taking into account those horrible weeks when Blaine had avoided Kurt). They still laugh at the same things, still talk about everything and nothing. They’re still best friends.

Of course, now there’s also the kissing and the hand holding. But only in the privacy of their bedrooms or in the car, parked at some secluded place where no one ever comes. They know they have to be careful, that they can’t be public about what’s going on between them. They’re not like other couples and Blaine knows that most people would never accept their relationship.

But the secrecy is kind of exciting, too. Blaine loves exchanging secret glances with Kurt at school and even brushing his hand against Kurt’s if the opportunity comes along. It’s thrilling to be amongst their friends and pretend that nothing has changed, and to know that he and Kurt share this big, amazing secret that nobody else knows about. It’s nice having something that’s _theirs_ , something that no one but them has any part in.

Still, Blaine’s favorite thing is spending time alone with Kurt. When they’re alone, they have the freedom to be themselves, as opposed to having to pretend to be less than what they really are.

Most of the time is spent at Kurt’s house because that’s where they get the most alone time (and Kurt likes to have dinner prepared when his dad comes home in the evenings).

But one afternoon about a week after The Day That Changed Everything, they find themselves with Blaine’s house all to themselves for the entire afternoon, when Blaine’s father is working late (as always) and his mother is out preparing for some kind of charity event.

They cook dinner together – the kitchen at Blaine’s house is much bigger than the one at Kurt’s and Kurt never misses an opportunity to use it – which takes longer than usual because they keep getting distracted by kisses.

Kurt eventually has to set his foot down and proclaim that there will be no more kissing until after they have finished eating. Blaine reluctantly agrees, and it’s all worth it when they, after dinner, flop down on the couch in the living room, and Kurt curls up next to Blaine and settles in the crook of his elbow, head resting on the spot between Blaine’s chest and shoulder.

It’s still early enough in their relationship that even such a simple thing as that feels new and thrilling, and Blaine revels in the fact that this is something that they can do now. They can kiss and cuddle and do things that couples do. Because they _are_ a couple.

Blaine’s heart beats happily in his chest at having Kurt so close and he thinks about that day at Kurt’s house when Kurt fell asleep on Blaine’s shoulder and how he’d felt that day – happy at feeling Kurt’s closeness and devastated because he thought that was as good as it was going to get. Never in a million years did Blaine think then that Kurt would ever be his. And yet, here they are. Together. Boyfriends.

“I never did thank you for the song,” Kurt murmurs once they’ve gotten comfortable. “I always knew you were an amazing singer, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you perform anything so beautiful.”

“That’s because I’ve never meant anything quite as much,” Blaine says honestly.

Kurt nods against him, just a small movement against his chest. “I can’t even begin to explain how much it meant to me. So thank you.”

“Well, it was about time I got my act together, wasn’t it? I still can’t believe you were able to keep the secret for all those years. I only kept mine for a few months and I was going out of my mind.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice, though, did I?” Kurt points out with a small shrug. “I couldn’t exactly come out and tell you the truth, as much as I wanted to. I had to wait until you were ready and I just hoped that you would be someday.”

Blaine thinks about that for a moment. He wonders how he would have reacted if Kurt had come to him a year ago and told him how he felt. He likes to think that he would have handled it, that he only waited for a push in the right direction before he discovered his own feelings. But the truth is that he has no idea how he would’ve reacted. He might not have been ready to hear the truth back then.

“Did you think, back then, that you would ever tell me?” Blaine asks.

“Sometimes I thought I might,” Kurt says, his hand traveling slowly down the length of Blaine’s arm. “I wanted so badly to share it with someone and you were my best friend. I wasn’t going to tell you that I liked you, only that I wasn’t into girls. But I was too scared of losing you. Despite everything, it was easier to just pretend that everything was fine.” He looks up at Blaine with a smile. “I’m not as brave as you.”

“I’m not brave,” Blaine protests. “I doubt I would have said anything if you hadn’t pushed me to tell you what was going on. And look what happened before that – I pushed you away. You, on the other hand? You just… you kept being my friend. Even though it must have been so hard to act as if that’s all you were feeling.”

“It was,” Kurt admits. “But if it wasn’t for you I would’ve still been pretending. So don’t give me all the credit, silly. Save some for yourself as well.”

“If you say so,” Blaine says, mostly to humor Kurt, because he still doesn’t feel very brave. But it hardly matters now, he supposes. Some way or another, they got to where they are now, and that’s what counts.

“Did you ever feel lonely?” he asks. “You know, back then. Because I know I did.”

“So lonely,” Kurt says, his voice coming out on an exhale. “But now it’s all worth it.”

“I know,” Blaine whispers, wrapping his arms tighter around Kurt, just because he can and he wants to.

For the hundredth time that week he wonders about this incredible thing that has happened to him. He’s in love with his best friend, and, amazingly, it seems like Kurt might be feeling the same way about him. That still feels unreal to him. He wonders if he’ll ever stop getting hit by those rushes of _ohmygodIcan’tbelievethisishappening_.

He supposes that they will eventually get past the point where everything is new and exciting, but today is not that day.

“I can’t believe you never suspected anything,” Kurt says after a stretch of silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t always do such a good job of hiding my feelings, you know. Sometimes I would just… stare at you, for a really long time, and I tried to be subtle about it but I don’t think I was. I’m surprised you never noticed.” Kurt carefully untangles himself from him and sits up properly, turning towards him so they can see each other better. He gives Blaine a wry smile. “Not to mention the fact that you never questioned why I didn’t show any interest in girls. Not even when we talked about being different and I asked you why _you_ never talk about girls, which is a conversation I would prefer to never have happened, by the way.”

Yeah, that conversation was pretty awkward, especially in the light of what’s happened this week. They were so blind, both of them pretending and both of them hurting.

“Well, I could ask you the same thing,” Blaine counters. “I can’t believe _you_ didn’t suspect anything about me.”

Kurt’s face turns sincere. “I just… never dared to hope,” he admits quietly, some of that vulnerability that he so very rarely shows peeking through. “I never dared to even go there.”

“Me neither,” Blaine agrees, tugging on Kurt’s hand to get him to come closer. Kurt shuffles forward a bit and rests his forehead against Blaine’s. “I felt like I was the odd one out, the only person in the world having those kinds of feelings, and the possibility of you feeling the same way…” He shakes his head. “In my head, that was never an option.”

“Seems pretty silly now.” Kurt huffs a laugh. Blaine can feel his warm breath against his face. “You know, that we both had the same feelings and kept them to ourselves.”

Blaine shrugs. “It wasn’t all bad. At least you were cute to look at.”

Kurt’s head snaps up, and he looks almost scandalized for a moment, but then he bursts out laughing, swatting Blaine lightly on the arm. “Way to kill a moment, Blaine.”

“I’m not killing anything,” Blaine protests. “I’m just speaking the truth.”

“Well, thank you, I guess.” Kurt bends down and presses a kiss to Blaine’s shoulder. He then presses his lips against Blaine’s neck, making Blaine shiver all the way down to his toes. Kurt slowly continues upward, leaving a few more kisses on his neck, and wow, Blaine never knew he was so sensitive there, nor was he prepared for how much he would love feeling Kurt’s kisses there. He sighs – whimpers, almost – his head falling back against the couch.

When Kurt’s glorious mouth starts to explore his jaw, Blaine’s eyes flutter shut, and then Kurt’s lips finally find his mouth, soft and warm and wonderful. Blaine turns his head a little to get a better angle, and responds eagerly, opening up to Kurt and taking whatever he can get. He had no idea that kissing would feel so intimate, or that it would make him feel so connected to the other person. But it does, and Blaine doesn’t want to stop kissing Kurt, ever.

His mind turns hazy and his thoughts incoherent, but he does know one thing. He may have lived through some miserable months before this, but it was all so, so worth it.

 

\----

 

Blaine is happy.

He’s so happy that sometimes he doesn’t know what to do with all that happiness that is bubbling within him. It’s like the sun shines brighter and the birds sing louder, and sometimes he can’t help the occasional skip when he walks through the school hallways or down the streets of Lima. It’s the best feeling in the world though, and sometimes, in class or at lunch, he’ll look over at Kurt and see him wear a smile so wide and blissful and genuine that Blaine knows he isn’t the only one who’s feeling this way.

What Blaine hadn’t counted on, is that his happiness is just another thing he has to hide.

“What’s going on with you lately?” Sam asks him at school one day. “You’re, like, really bouncy. And giddy. Did something happen?”

And Blaine wants to tell him that yes, yes, something happened, the most amazing thing in the world happened and he’s so happy and he’s so in love with the most incredible, wonderful person… but instead he just shrugs, smiles a little and says, “Not really. I’m just happy that Kurt and I worked things out.”

“Me too,” Sam agrees whole-heartedly. “You’re not all that fun to be around when you’re miserable. What were you and Kurt fighting about anyway?”

“Just… a misunderstanding,” Blaine says vaguely. “It’s all okay now.”

Sam nods and seems satisfied with that explanation, and then proceeds to ask Blaine if it’s normal that the girl you’re dating always wants to bring her best friend along on dates.

Blaine’s day only gets better from there, because when he goes to the bathroom after lunch Kurt is already there, fixing his hair in front of the mirror, and amazingly he’s the only person there. It gives them a few precious moments together, just enough to share a quick kiss (their first one ever at school) and lace their hands together for a short minute, but it’s a whole lot more than what they usually get during the school day so it feels like a really amazing bonus.

“You look fantastic today,” Blaine whispers against Kurt’s lips and Kurt blushes and beams at him and looks so radiant throughout the rest of the day that Blaine opts to compliment Kurt a lot more often in the future.

He tends to focus on the happier and more romantic Beatles songs lately, songs that match his current state of mind and lyrics that describe how he feels about Kurt.

_Hold me close and tell me how you feel, tell me love is real, words of love you whisper soft and true, darling I love you_ , he sings quietly to himself in his room one night, and he closes his eyes and pictures Kurt’s face, pictures Kurt saying those three magical words to him and him saying them to Kurt.


	4. You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Part 4 – You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

“Damn it, I hate my hair,” Blaine mutters, staring miserably at the mirror image of himself.

His hair looks ridiculous. The curls are out of control, and if he thought that he would ever be able to step out of the house without taming them with solid amounts of Brylcreem first, he was sorely mistaken. He looks at himself in the mirror, watches his dream of having long hair like the Beatles get crushed before his eyes. He’ll never have hair like that. Those stupid curls are ruining everything.

“I don’t know, I find your hair kind of endearing,” Kurt says, studying Blaine closely from where he’s perched on the edge of Blaine’s bed. He doesn’t usually come over to Blaine’s house before school but today he’d made an exception. He’d expressed to Blaine upon arriving that he just _had_ to see him because the thought of going through the whole day without getting to kiss him was unbearable.

Blaine had felt something warm spread in his entire body at seeing Kurt’s open, happy face and hearing those words. At knowing that what they have together is as important to Kurt as it is to Blaine.

Blaine turns away from the mirror and looks critically at Kurt. “My hair is _not_ endearing.”

Kurt shrugs. “I think it is. Your curls are cute.”

“ _Cute?_ ” Blaine stares at him in disbelief. “The curls are not cute, they’re… out of control.”

Kurt huffs a soft laugh and tilts his head. “I love them. Though I suppose I can see why they have to be tamed. It’s a shame, but I get it.” He gets to his feet and walks over to Blaine, smiling as he runs both hands through Blaine’s hair, making Blaine shiver. “But promise me that you’ll wear your hair like this sometimes when it’s just the two of us, okay?”

Blaine shakes his head, because how can Kurt actually _like_ his hair like this? But then he’s also not going to deny such a request so he loops his arms around Kurt’s waist and leans in to leave a quick kiss on his lips. “Your taste is very peculiar, Kurt Hummel,” he murmurs, giving Kurt a fond smile.

“I know. I’m with you, aren’t I?” Kurt points out, eyes twinkling, beautiful and full of mischief.

“Hey!” Blaine pulls back in mock-indignation. “That wasn’t very nice.”

He’s completely unable to stay serious though, and suddenly they’re both laughing, Blaine winding his arms around Kurt and giggling into his shoulder.

They stay in the embrace for a while. It feels wonderful, to be close like this, and it makes Blaine wish that they had more time together, just the two of them.

However, the fact that they can’t always be themselves around each other makes every moment that they _do_ spend together all the more precious and meaningful.

“I’m really happy, Blaine,” Kurt murmurs against the side of Blaine’s face, making Blaine’s stomach do somersaults in response, because Kurt is happy ( _Blaine_ makes him happy) and that’s all that matters.

“Me too,” he whispers in return, and then, because he needs to be absolutely sure about this, “We are together, right? Like, for real? We’re boyfriends?”

Blaine had half expected some kind of witty comeback, but Kurt simply lifts his head and kisses him softly on the cheek. “Yeah. Of course we are.”

Blaine leans back into Kurt, closes his eyes and smiles.

For the rest of the day Blaine feels like he’s walking on clouds. He accepts Kurt’s invitation to come home with him after school (“My dad won’t be home until six at the earliest”) much too eagerly and then spends the rest of the day counting down the hours until school’s out.

The afternoon is spent lazily making out on Kurt’s bed. Everything is slow and unhurried and Kurt is warm and solid next to him and underneath him and on top of him, and Blaine decides that this is, by far, the best day of his life. It’s one of those days where it’s so easy to forget that there’s a world outside of their small bubble, and even if he had remembered he wouldn’t have cared.

Unfortunately, they’re forced to return to reality a lot sooner than either of them had expected.

They’re just pulling back for air after an extra intense couple of minutes when the sound of someone clearing their throat from the doorway makes them jump apart in alarm and shock.

Blaine stomach drops so far that it couldn’t possibly have dropped any further and it feels like his heart stops beating for a second. He scrambles out of bed on instinct and all he can think is _why did we not close the door?_

(The answer to that is that it just hadn’t seemed very important at the time, seeing as they had the house to themselves and had much more important things to focus on.)

Kurt is sitting up in bed while Blaine frantically pulls at his shirt in an attempt to straighten it out. He doesn’t know why he bothers; it’s not like he can hide anything that they were doing when Kurt’s father clearly just saw everything.

“Dad, what are you doing home so early?” Kurt eyes are huge and his voice sounds squeaky and full of fear.

Burt Hummel seems alarmingly calm, his eyes considering them quietly from the doorway. His gaze flickers between the two of them. “It’s six thirty, Kurt,” he says, his gaze finally settling on Kurt.

Blaine sees Kurt visibly flinch. “Really? I… didn’t realize.”

There’s a long silence. Burt Hummel’s gaze shifts over to Blaine, his eyes narrowing, and Blaine’s unable to stand still – it feels like Mr. Hummel’s eyes are boring into him, disapproving and disappointed. Blaine doesn’t know why he feels like he’s letting Mr. Hummel down, but he does know that he really wants some big, dark hole to swallow him up right now.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this uncomfortable, or, to be honest – scared.

“I think you should go home now, Blaine,” Mr. Hummel says, his voice calm and dark, making Blaine swallow heavily. The expression on the man’s face makes it clear that there’s no room for argument so Blaine just nods mutely. Mr. Hummel then looks back at Kurt. “You have two minutes to join me in the living room,” he says, and then he turns around and leaves the room.

Blaine can’t move, not until the sound of Mr. Hummel’s footsteps disappear down the stairs. The room is left dead quiet then, and somehow the silence pulls Blaine out of his shocked state. He looks over at Kurt, who has wrapped his arms around himself and is staring at the doorway his father disappeared through, and hurries over to him.

“Kurt, I’ll stay if you want me to,” he says quietly, reaching out to rub Kurt’s upper arms. His touch seems to snap Kurt out of some kind of daze and he stares at Blaine in surprise for a moment, like he’d forgotten that Blaine was still there. Then his gaze softens and he shakes his head.

“No, I… I should do this alone, I think. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t feel right about leaving you right now.” He really doesn’t. If Kurt wants him to stay, Blaine will stay, no matter what Mr. Hummel says.

But Kurt just shakes his head again. “No, you should go home,” he says. He leans in and kisses Blaine softly. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

He looks calm but his eyes betray him, the fear in them clear as day. But he’s clearly determined to do this, so Blaine flashes him a brief smile and nods.

“Okay. But… call my house if you need me, okay? Promise me.”

Kurt nods, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips. “I will. Now go, before my dad comes to get us. I’m surprised he left us alone at all.”

So Blaine leaves, reluctantly. However, as much as he wishes he could be with Kurt, he’s also kind of relieved that he doesn’t have to see Mr. Hummel again tonight.

 

\----

 

Arriving at his house, all Blaine wants to do is go to his room and not talk to anyone for the rest of the night.

Unfortunately, his mother has other plans.

“Oh, there you are, honey,” she says as soon as he’s closed the front door behind him. “Why don’t you join me in the living room for a moment?”

Blaine feels too wrung out and unsettled to protest. He sinks heavily down on the sofa, unable to take his thoughts off of Kurt, who is most likely having an extremely awkward, and potentially scary, conversation with his dad right now. Blaine has no idea what the outcome of that talk will be. His mind tends to go to worst case scenarios – like Mr. Hummel refusing to let them see each other anymore or even kicking Kurt out of the house.

Though, to be honest, he really can’t see the latter happening. Burt Hummel, as far as Blaine knows him, is not that kind of father.

On the other hand, he just caught his son kissing another boy. Who knows what he’ll do.

Blaine is so preoccupied with his own thoughts that when his mother starts talking he’s almost forgotten that there’s someone else in the room with him. “I invited some people to dinner on Friday,” she says. “I expect you to be present. Your father will be home as well.”

“What kind of people?” Blaine asks, though he doesn’t really care.

“Greg Gilbert, your father’s colleague. You remember him, don’t you?” Blaine nods, because he does vaguely remember the guy, even though he hardly made a very lasting impression. “He’ll be here with his wife and their lovely daughter Mary.”

That makes Blaine quirk an eyebrow in suspicion. “Their daughter? Does she happen to be my age?”

“As a matter of fact, I think she is,” his mother says delighted, doing a horrible job of pretending that she hadn’t already thought about that. “She goes to Crawford Country Day, the all-girls school. She’s a really lovely girl.”

“Yeah, so you said,” Blaine mumbles, not sure whether to laugh or cry. It’s not the first time they’ve had ‘lovely girls’ over for dinner. His mother just doesn’t give up, despite Blaine’s continued lack of interest.

“So, can I count on you to be here?” she asks, and Blaine just nods tiredly. He doesn’t have the energy right now to come up with an excuse.

“Wonderful,” his mother says, lighting up, and she looks so hopeful that Blaine almost feels bad for her. But just almost. He has much more important issues to worry about right now.

 

\----

 

Blaine waits impatiently for Kurt outside the school building the next morning. He’d hoped that Kurt would call him the night before but he didn’t, and Blaine isn’t sure what to make of that. He figures it can mean one of two things: either things went so well that Kurt didn’t feel the need to call, or so terrible that he didn’t get the chance to.

He’s been waiting nervously for ten long minutes when Kurt finally arrives. Blaine hurries over to him, wishing more than ever that he could give him a big hug, but as it is he just stops in front of him and looks at him expectantly. “How did it go?” he asks, his voice coming out breathy and nervous.

Kurt throws a quick look around before gesturing for Blaine to follow him over to a quieter corner of the schoolyard. Once there, he smiles a little and says quietly, “Relax, Blaine. It’s all okay.”

“Really?” Blaine doesn’t feel convinced. “It went well?”

“Yes. As well as can be expected, anyway.”

“Okay.” He relaxes his shoulders a little and lets out a slow breath. “What does that mean exactly?”

Kurt takes a deep breath and lets it back out, his hand gripping tighter around the strap of his bag. “Okay, so after you left we sat down in the living room. I was terrified, but dad was just really calm and he asked me to tell him everything. And I figured I didn’t really have much to lose, so I did. I told him about realizing that I was–” He cuts himself off, and throws a quick look around before continuing, “that I was gay when I was fourteen and about discovering that I had feelings for you not long afterwards.”

“And what did he say?”

“He asked me how long you and I had been seeing each other. I told him it hadn’t been that long but that what we have together is real and that I’m really happy, and then he just nodded and sat there quietly for a long time. It was horrible, I didn’t know what to do or say and he just… sat there.”

“And then?” Blaine asks, both eager and nervous to hear the rest.

Kurt smiles a little. “Then he told me that he had sort of known the whole time.”

Blaine startles. “He _what_?”

Kurt’s smile grows wider. “He knew. Not… not about you and me, though he claimed not to be very surprised about that either. But he knew about me being gay. Said he’d known since I was a kid. Which I find kind of hard to believe, but he said something about fatherly intuition, so who knows.”

“Wow.” Blaine stares disbelievingly at Kurt. “He really knew?”

Kurt shrugs. “So he says. At that point in the conversation I was so surprised that I couldn’t even think straight.”

“So…” Blaine tries to wrap his head around this new development. “What did he say about… about us?”

“Well, he’s not very happy about it,” Kurt admitted. “Mostly because he’s worried, I think. I had to promise him that we’ll be really careful and that we’ll never do anything in public. And that we’ll never tell anyone about our relationship.”

“So he won’t keep us from seeing each other?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No. Is that what you thought he would do?”

“I had no idea what to think. I was just… scared. For you and for us.”

Kurt smiles a little and his hand twitches, like he wants to reach out for Blaine. Blaine knows the feeling all too well.

“I know. But it’s okay. He won’t stop us from being together. But he also won’t allow us to be at the house together when he’s not there. And he’s probably not letting me go to your house unless one of your parents is there.”

Blaine doesn’t really care at the moment. He’s just happy that he can keep seeing Kurt and that Mr. Hummel is, amazingly, relatively okay with the whole thing. Once again, he just really wants to hug Kurt.

“I can’t believe it went so well,” he says, because he really can’t. It seems almost too good to be true.

“I couldn’t believe it either.” Kurt smiles, his eyes glistening a little bit. “I love my dad.”

“Your dad is the best,” Blaine agrees. “I can’t believe he’s completely okay with everything, though. I mean, most people… most people would never accept us.”

“I guess he’s had time to get used to the idea,” Kurt ponders, “if he really has known since I was a kid. And I think ‘completely okay’ is a bit of an exaggeration. He’s accepting, but…” Kurt shrugs. “But really, I’m just so… _relieved_ , Blaine. I mean, he gave me a big hug before I went to bed last night and told me that he loves me just as much as before, and I–” He brushes away a stray tear. “I never thought he would take it so well.”

Suddenly it feels impossible to _not_ hug Kurt. Blaine comes _this_ close to doing it right there in the schoolyard but then he remembers the promise that Kurt made to his father about being careful. So instead he says, “Meet me in the bathroom in two minutes.”

“What?” Kurt exclaims in surprise, but Blaine has already turned around and is heading in the direction of the bathroom. He hears Kurt calling his name but he keeps going until he gets there, relieved when he finds the bathroom empty. Kurt bursts through the door not long after Blaine, looking confused and breathless. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Blaine says, locking the door behind Kurt just in case. “I just had to do this.” He pulls Kurt in close and wraps his arms around him and it isn’t long before Kurt leans heavily into him, letting out a long breath.

“What’s this for?” he whispers.

Blaine shrugs, not letting Kurt go. “Do I really need a reason to hug you?” When Kurt shakes his head, he adds, “I just felt like we could both use one.”

“You were right.” Kurt’s voice is muffled against his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Blaine just nods against him. This is exactly what he needed.

 

\----

 

Sitting through Friday night dinner with his parents and the Gilbert family isn’t exactly torture, but it isn’t far from it.

Blaine’s mother is a little too obvious in her attempts at getting Blaine to bond with Mary Gilbert and it’s all just really embarrassing. Blaine’s father is busy discussing work related topics with Mr. Gilbert, Mrs. Gilbert isn’t saying much at all (though she keeps sending Blaine scrutinizing looks, as if she’s considering whether or not he’s good enough for her daughter), and neither does Blaine and Mary Gilbert, so it’s up to Blaine’s mother to keep the conversation going, something she seems to thrive on.

She asks Mary about school and about what she likes to do in her free time, not missing an opportunity to somehow link every single one of her interests to Blaine’s. “Did you hear that, Blaine? She likes horses. You like animals too, don’t you honey?” (He does, but not more than most people. He would really like to own a dog, but that’s about it.)

‘The lovely Mary’ sits through dinner looking as uncomfortable as Blaine. She doesn’t seem any more interested in him than he is in her, which is a bit of a relief, because then he doesn’t have to worry about hurting her feelings. She gives short, but polite answers to the questions she’s being given, and Blaine has to give her credit for the way she handles his mother’s interrogation. She seems like a nice, down-to-earth girl, and will no doubt make someone very happy someday, but it isn’t going to be Blaine.

His mother doesn’t give up, though. After dinner, when Blaine’s father and Mr. Gilbert has gone to the study to continue their conversation there, she takes Mrs. Gilbert out to the kitchen under the pretense of looking at her new curtains, leaving Blaine and Mary alone in the living room.

They sit quietly next to each other on the sofa and Blaine doesn’t even know what to say, because his mother has already asked Mary every possible question there is.

He needs to say _something_ , though. “I’m really sorry about my mother,” he starts, because that definitely needs to be said. “She tends to get a bit… eager sometimes.”

Mary looks up at him, looking almost surprised to hear him speak. She smiles suddenly, for the first time that night. She actually has a pretty smile. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “I’m used to it. This isn’t the first dinner my parents have dragged me to.”

Blaine’s interest is peeked at that. Maybe he actually does have something in common with her.

“You too, huh?” When she looks at him with curiosity he explains, “This isn’t my first dinner either. I’m not sure what my mother wishes to accomplish… No, actually, that’s not true – I know exactly what she hopes for, but she just doesn’t seem to realize that it’s not going to happen like this.”

“Yeah.” Mary looks down. “I actually… I’m already with someone. But my parents don’t like him, apparently his family isn’t _respectable_ enough…” She snorts. “So they keep insisting on these dinners and I do what they ask of me because if I don’t I’m scared that they’ll keep me from seeing him all together.” She shrugs, unhappy.

Blaine nods. He senses a kindred spirit here, someone who’s going through some of the same things he is. And suddenly he finds himself telling her something he hasn’t told anyone.

“I’m seeing someone, too.” He says it quietly, so only she can hear. He wouldn’t put his past his mother to be listening to them from the next room. “My parents don’t know, so please don’t say anything to them.” Mary shakes her head in promise. “I haven’t told them because I know they wouldn’t approve, but this person means a lot to me so if I have to sneak around behind their backs, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Mary nods, her face full of sympathy and understanding. “It’s hard, though, isn’t it?” she says. “To care about someone so much, and not be able to… really be yourself around your own family.”

“Yeah, exactly.” He sighs and gives her a sad smile. “I hope it works out for you, though.”

He receives a small smile in return. “You, too. If this girl makes you happy, then I hope you find a way to be with her.”

Blaine doesn’t correct her. He’s already told her much more than he probably should, and she might be understanding and nice, but he doubts that she would’ve been as understanding if she knew that the person he’s in love with is a boy.

Still, talking with her definitely made his evening a little better and he truly does hope that things will work out for her.

Talking with her gets him thinking, though. Blaine hasn’t thought much about the future for him and Kurt because living in the now has been so amazing. But he’s slowly starting to realize that he might never be able to tell his parents the truth. They’re so concerned with appearances, with being respectable in the eyes of the community around them. It matters to them what other people think and Blaine knows that they would never, ever accept him and Kurt as a couple.

They would be ashamed to have a gay son. If the truth came out, people would talk. They would lose a lot of respect. Their reputation would be ruined.

Blaine is pretty sure that if they knew the truth, he would no longer be their son.

It hurts to even think about, because for all of their faults, he still loves them. But he knows that this is the reality.

And when he shares those thoughts with Kurt one day as they’re walking out of the choir room after glee club, Kurt looks at him sadly and nods.

“You’re probably right,” he agrees. “I hate to say it, but… they can’t find out, Blaine. My dad took it amazingly well, all things considered, but–” He trails off, but Blaine knows what he didn’t say. Most parents aren’t like Burt Hummel. Blaine’s own parents included.

“It’s just hard,” he says simply, giving a helpless shrug, and Kurt nods, wincing in sympathy. They can’t hug or kiss right now – even though the school is fairly empty they’re still in public – but Kurt reaches over and lightly touches his fingers to Blaine’s.

It’s a small gesture but it still brings some comfort.


	5. Yesterday

Part 5 – Yesterday

Blaine feels kind of down after the dinner with the Gilberts.

It’s like reality came crashing down on him all of a sudden – a reality he had effectively been shutting out ever since getting together with Kurt. For a while he had almost forgotten that there’s a world out there, a world that would not look at him and Kurt with kind eyes if the truth about them were to come out.

With Kurt, and their newfound relationship always at the forefront of his mind, it’s been easy to forget the concerns he once had about what people might be thinking about him. And now, it’s not just about him anymore, it’s about Kurt, too. Hiding their true selves is more important than ever and acting ‘normal’ is absolutely vital for them. Something that Mr. Hummel makes very clear to Blaine the first time Blaine meets him after the day he walked in on them.

It’s an awkward afternoon. Blaine is having dinner with him and Kurt, as he’s done hundreds of times before, but things are different now and they all know it. Mr. Hummel’s eyes on him feels different than before, more considering, more apprehensive, more thoughtful. Blaine tries his best not to squirm under his gaze and isn’t really able to form a whole lot of coherent sentences during the meal.

Kurt seems nervous too, and is overcompensating with a never-ending stream of words. He’s chatting non-stop, a little too high-pitched and with a bit too many hand gestures for it to seem completely natural.

At the end though, Mr. Hummel finally addresses the elephant in the room.

“Blaine,” he says, and Blaine startles and looks at him and automatically straightens his back, nerves rising. “Kurt already promised me that he’d be careful. I need you to promise me the same thing.”

It’s not like he doesn’t know what Mr. Hummel is talking about so he just nods vigorously. “I promise, sir,” he says sincerely. “I would never do anything to put Kurt in danger.”

Mr. Hummel keeps looking at him for a really long time and Blaine racks his brain trying to figure out if there’s something more he should have said, something that Kurt’s father expects to hear from him. But after a while Mr. Hummel finally nods, seemingly satisfied, and Blaine’s lets out a breath. He feels as if he just passed some kind of test.

Coming to Kurt’s house is a little easier after that, and in a way it’s a relief that Kurt’s father knows the truth now, because it gives them the chance to relax more when they’re there. It doesn’t matter so much if they happen to brush against each other or sit a little too close together on the couch – even though they try not to be too obvious with their affections. Mr. Hummel has already handled things way better than they could’ve expected and it seems unwise to push things too far.

They’re allowed to go to Kurt’s bedroom as long as the door stays open and that’s where they find themselves one Sunday, a little over two months after they got together.

They’re lying next to each other on Kurt’s narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands laced together between them. They have the whole day to spend together and Blaine feels lazy and warm and comfortable. He tries not to let his thoughts wander too much in the direction of other things they could be doing in a bed because that’s not an option right now and it’s not something they’ve really talked about either. For now he’s happy just being here with Kurt.

“Do you think there are other gay people in Lima?” he wonders out loud, voicing something that he’s been thinking about quite a bit. Lima isn’t a very big town, but he figures it would be weird if he and Kurt were the only ones here.

“Of course there are,” Kurt says matter-of-factly. “I’ve seen plenty.”

“You have?” Blaine turns his head and looks at him, surprised. “Where?”

“Everywhere,” Kurt says. “After a while you just… learn to recognize them, I guess. It’s like a radar, almost.”

“Huh,” Blaine says, strangely impressed. “So you can just… pick gay people out from a crowd?”

“Sort of, I guess.” Kurt shrugs. “Not everyone, though. I’m not _that_ good. But some people give off a certain vibe, you know.”

Blaine doesn’t really know. He’s never been very good at reading people. “So how come you didn’t sense anything about me?” he asks, mostly out of curiosity.

Kurt turns his head to look him. “I don’t know, maybe my radar doesn’t work on the people closest to me?” He shrugs again and smiles fondly. “I really didn’t have a clue. There was no vibe about you.”

Blaine’s not quite sure whether to take that as an offence or a compliment.

The conversation then moves on to the McKinley High student body, which is sort of a favorite topic of theirs. It’s always fun to exchange a bit of harmless gossip, about who’s currently dating whom, about who’s been spotted together where, and of course, who’s broken up during the past week.

“Is Sam actually serious about Brittany?” Kurt wonders, shifting closer into Blaine’s side.

Blaine shrugs. “He seems to be. He likes her a lot. But I get the feeling that he’s a lot more serious about her than she’s about him, and that… worries me a little.”

“Hmm,” Kurt says, nodding thoughtfully. He seems to be mulling something over in his mind, but he doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Blaine.

“What about Tina?” Blaine asks instead. “Do you still think she likes me?”

“I’m not sure,” Kurt says. “She’s still asking about you. She always seems very interested in what you and I have been doing.”

“Huh, that’s a bit weird. Do you think she’s jealous?”

“Maybe. She hasn’t, like… approached you about it or anything, has she?”

Blaine shakes his head. “No. I mean, I talk to her sometimes but just about normal stuff.”

Kurt shifts and curls into him. He sighs. “Well, I hope I’m wrong. Because you’re mine and I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Blaine smiles to himself and leans his head against Kurt’s. Being Kurt’s sounds… perfect. “I’m yours,” he confirms and sighs happily, closing his eyes. “I love you.”

It takes a few seconds for him to realize that those last few words were actually spoken out loud. He freezes, eyes snapping open. He hadn’t meant to say that. It’s not like he doesn’t mean it, or like he hasn’t already kind of said those words to Kurt before. But saying them like this, straight out, to another person feels like a really big thing. Blaine kind of feels like he should’ve made the occasion a bit more… extraordinary. Like, maybe he should have taken Kurt to dinner, or attempted to cook for him, or sang him another song or something. Having it just slip out like this is hardly memorable.

Kurt looks up at him. His smile grows wide and his eyes are shining in a way that makes Blaine reconsider all of that, thinking instead that okay, maybe this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. Simple, unforced, natural. That’s how it’s always been with them.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, and Blaine already knows that, but the words still make him warm and giddy inside. He leans in to kiss Kurt, needing to feel that connection with him, but he doesn’t let it go on for too long, all too aware that they’re in Kurt’s room with the door open and Mr. Hummel downstairs. Instead he pulls Kurt closer to his side, Kurt following easily.

This is a good day, Blaine thinks.

 

\----

 

The next week is intense – schoolwork is piling up and Blaine doesn’t have much time to see Kurt outside of school.

Kurt’s just as busy as Blaine, so the only time they see each other is at school, which isn’t ideal but it’s what it is. Kurt looks terribly stressed out and Blaine wishes he could take some of the pressure off of him, but as it is he hardly gets the chance to talk to him, much less hug or kiss him.

Blaine doesn’t find the hiding all that exciting and thrilling anymore. Mostly it just feels frustrating and unfair. He loves Kurt and he’s so proud to be with him – but no one can know that. He knows that his feelings are something he’s probably supposed to feel ashamed about, but he’s not. Maybe he was, a little, in the beginning, but now he knows that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Kurt has showed him that. Kurt has showed him that what they share is nothing but right, and Blaine is so proud and so happy and sometimes he hates that he can’t share that with the world around him.

He tries not to let his thoughts linger on things he can’t do anything about, though. And right now he’s just ready for the weekend to finally start. He’ll still have schoolwork to do then, but he should have at least _some_ time to spend with Kurt.

And then Kurt doesn’t show up to school on Friday.

Blaine waits for him outside the school building in the morning as he often does – there just isn’t much time to see each other throughout the day so those few minutes before school starts are precious – but Kurt never shows.

It’s strange, because he can barely remember Kurt missing a single day of school in the past, but with how stressed he’s been lately it’s no wonder if he ended up getting sick.

Blaine goes about his day as usual. After lunch he asks Tina and Mercedes if they know anything about Kurt, but they both shake their heads and tell him that they don’t. And later, in his first class after lunch, Mr. Schuester asks _Blaine_ if _he’s_ heard anything from Kurt. Blaine just shakes his head in response, but he finds it strange that someone as responsible as Kurt or his father hasn’t called the school to let them know if he’s sick. And Kurt definitely wouldn’t just skip school. That’s not like him at all.

Blaine can’t help but worry, but he also knows that Kurt’s lack of appearance probably has a completely natural explanation. It’s not like it’s the first time a student hasn’t shown up.

It just… doesn’t seem like something Kurt would do.

When the bell rings after the final class of the day, Blaine wastes no time getting out of the school building. He’s missed Kurt terribly all day and now he just hopes that Mr. Hummel doesn’t mind him showing up at their house with Kurt being sick and all. He just needs to see Kurt, just for a few minutes. It hits him that since they got together, there hasn’t been a single day that they haven’t seen each other. He really doesn’t want today to be the first.

But when he arrives at the Hummel house, there’s no one there.

Blaine just looks at the house for a while. Everything is dark and quiet and Mr. Hummel’s car isn’t even in the driveway. And that doesn’t necessarily has to mean anything because Mr. Hummel uses the car to drive to work, but… the house seems completely abandoned. He tries the door bell, but he already knows that no one is going to open.

If Kurt’s sick, then why isn’t he at home?

Blaine walks home feeling unsettled. Something about this doesn’t feel right. He thinks about going to the tire shop to talk to Mr. Hummel there, but that’s far enough away that he has to drive there and he doesn’t have access to a car today. So he goes home instead and tries to convince himself that there’s a good explanation for all of this.

He spends the afternoon trying to get some homework done, but he can’t seem to focus and after an hour of getting nothing done he puts the pencil down and grabs his guitar instead. But he puts it away after only one song – he can’t even focus on playing right now. He walks over to his bed and flops down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

He knows he’s being ridiculous and attempts to laugh at himself for it. His boyfriend disappears for one day and Blaine is going crazy. Kurt will undoubtedly laugh and tease him about it if he ever finds out.

But Blaine just can’t seem to shake the feeling that something is wrong.

He doesn’t know what time it is – it feels like the day has lasted for an eternity – when his mother knocks lightly on the door and tells him that Kurt’s on the phone for him.

Blaine bolts out of bed and down the stairs, not caring about the strange look his mother gives him – Kurt’s on the phone! – and grabs the receiver, his heart hammering in his chest. “Kurt?”

“Hi.” Kurt’s voice sounds small and far away.

“Kurt.” He lets out a slow breath. “Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been so worried today.”

There’s some rustling on the other end. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…” More rustling. Blaine presses the receiver closer to his ear. “Something happened, Blaine. I’m at the hospital.”

“You’re–” Blaine feels himself go cold, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. “Why are you at the hospital? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m… I’m okay.” He doesn’t sound okay. He sounds tired and scared and _not okay_. “It’s… it’s my dad.” His voice is breaking on the last word.

Blaine feels dizzy – with relief over the fact that Kurt isn’t hurt and dread for whatever is going on with Mr. Hummel. “What happened?” he asks and tries to keep the worry out of his voice, but he doesn’t think he’s all that successful.

A choked sound comes through the line. “I can’t… Can you come down here? I’m so scared, Blaine, and I don’t know what to do and I just really need to see you right now.”

Blaine doesn’t even have to think about it. “Of course. I’m coming right away.”

 

\----

 

It’s, thankfully, not very far from Blaine’s house to the hospital and he’s able to get there within half an hour.

Kurt meets him by the entrance, looking pale and exhausted, and Blaine immediately wraps him up in his arms and just holds him. Some dam seems to break inside Kurt then and he starts sobbing against Blaine shoulder, and Blaine feels so helpless – he doesn’t even know what’s going on – but he continues to hold Kurt, slowly rubbing his hand up and down his back in what he hopes is a soothing motion.

Kurt’s sobs eventually subsides and he pulls away, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He wipes his nose with a tissue that he fishes out of his pocket and attempts a weak smile. “Thank you for coming,” he says with a voice that’s rough from crying. “It’s been a long day and I just really needed someone.”

“Of course, Kurt,” he says softly, rubbing Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m here for you, always.”

Kurt nods, wiping at his nose once more, before throwing the tissue in a nearby trash bin. “My dad’s room is on the fourth floor,” he says. “I talked to one of the nurses; she said it’s okay if I bring you up there. Usually they only allow family but she was nice enough to make an exception.”

Blaine just nods and they make their way through the reception area and up to the fourth floor. As they walk through the stale white corridors towards Mr. Hummel’s room, Blaine asks quietly, “Kurt, what happened to your dad?”

Kurt slows his steps and turns to face him, looking like he’d forgotten that he hasn’t actually told Blaine anything yet. There’s so much sadness clouding Kurt’s face, and also… guilt? He grabs a hold of Blaine’s jacket and pulls him towards a row of chairs by the wall, gingerly sitting down on one of them. Blaine sinks down on the chair next to him.

“It happened last night,” Kurt starts quietly, looking down at his hands instead of making eye contact with Blaine. “My dad was working late at the garage. I don’t know all the details, but… he got into a fight with some guys. They beat him up pretty badly.”

An involuntary gasps slips out of Blaine. He stares at Kurt in shock.

“Are you serious?” he blurts, but it’s a pretty dumb question – it’s not like Kurt would lie at a moment like this. It’s just… he can’t see Burt Hummel, of all people, getting into random fights. There must be something more to the story.

“What…” he starts, confused. “I mean, how–”

A shaky sigh slips out of Kurt. He looks like he’s on the verge of breaking down again. Blaine reaches out and takes his hand. He doesn’t care that people can see them. This is a hospital – it’s normal to give comfort here. Kurt eyes his hand for a moment, but he doesn’t pull away.

“Those guys,” Kurt says, his voice trembling. “There were, like, four or five of them. They came into the shop last night. They were pretty drunk.” He pauses, taking a few deep breathes to gather himself. “My dad thought they needed help with their car. But they were just… being really rude and loud, and my dad eventually asked them to leave. And that’s when they… when they…”

“When they what, Kurt?” Blaine urges softly, caressing Kurt’s hand with his thumb.

Kurt wipes at his eyes with his free hand. “They started saying things. Awful things.”

Blaine sits quietly, waiting for Kurt to continue.

Kurt’s voice breaks. “They were saying things about me, Blaine. Really awful and hateful things. And… dad didn’t tell me exactly what they said but I’m worried it was about me being… gay.”

Blaine feels frozen. He can’t do anything but stare at Kurt.

“My dad… I guess he tried to defend me or protect me, or something.” Kurt lets out a hollow laugh that sounds more like a sob. “But he was outnumbered. He didn’t stand a chance.”

Blaine’s head is spinning. He feels numb and even though he’s hearing the words coming out of Kurt’s mouth he almost can’t believe them. This is starting to feel like a really horrible nightmare.

“How… how bad is it?” he asks tentatively, not sure he even wants to know.

Kurt tries to pull himself together again and is a bit more successful this time. “According to the doctors it looks worse than it is,” he explains. “His face is really bruised and swollen and he’s got some cracked ribs. And he twisted his foot somehow when he… when he fell. He’ll be okay; he just needs time to heal. But he… he looks awful, Blaine. I can’t even imagine what those guys did to him.”

Blaine shuffles closer on his chair and wraps his arm around Kurt’s shoulders in a sideways hug. “I’m so sorry, Kurt,” he whispers. “This is awful. But your dad is going to be okay. That’s what we have to focus on right now.”

Kurt nods wordlessly, wiping at his eyes again.

“But how…” Blaine is still trying to understand. “How would they know about you being gay? There’s no way, Kurt. We’ve been so careful. I can’t see how we slipped up.”

Kurt huffs a bitter laugh. “We didn’t. Don’t you get it, Blaine? This isn’t about us. It’s about me. People know about me. They can tell.”

“How can they tell?” Blaine asks, confused. “Kurt, people don’t know about you any more than they know about me. How would they? It’s not like we’re walking around announcing it.”

Kurt levels a steady gaze at him. He looks tired again. “Blaine… it’s not the first time people have called me things. I’ve tried to ignore it because it’s not like I’m the only one in school being bullied, and I know that bullies will say whatever to make themselves feel better.” He shrugs, letting out a small huff. “But I’m different, Blaine. People don’t like that.”

Blaine just stares at him. This can’t be right. He would have known if someone was harassing Kurt. He _should_ have known. How is it possible that he didn’t?

“Why haven’t you told me?” he asks quietly, trying to hide how upsetting this is to him. The thought of people saying mean or hateful things to Kurt, who is so incredibly _special_ , breaks his heart.

Kurt’s expression softens as he looks at Blaine. “I just didn’t want you to worry.”

Blaine shakes his head in disbelief of all this. Nothing about this is right. Some idiots have been bothering Kurt and now is dad is in the hospital. How have Blaine not seen any of this? Clearly he’s been absolutely _blind_.

He’s so engrossed in beating himself up for being so completely ignorant that he almost misses Kurt’s next words.

“My dad’s in the hospital because of me. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” The words are spoken quietly, without emotion.

Blaine shakes his head vigorously, like that’s somehow going convince Kurt that he’s wrong. “No, Kurt, don’t even say that. Your dad is here because some bullies were out to pick a fight. None of this is your fault.”

It’s Kurt’s turn to shake his head. “Maybe not directly. But it happened because I am who I am. And there are people out there who can’t handle that.”

Blaine doesn’t even know what to say to that. He doesn’t know what he _can_ say. He doesn’t have all the facts here but there’s a chance that Kurt isn’t wrong. In the midst of being over-the-moon happy and in love, Blaine had almost forgotten about… well, about everything other than Kurt, really. And now he feels like he’s failed somehow. He’s failed to see what’s been going on around him, failed to see the world for what it can really be.

He just never thought that something like this would happen.

“I hate that this happened to your dad,” Blaine says finally. “It’s terrible. But please, Kurt, don’t blame yourself for it. You couldn’t have done anything differently and you _shouldn’t_ do anything differently because you are incredible. I think that’s something both your dad and I agree on.”

Kurt gives Blaine an almost unnoticeable smile and squeezes his hand, but he doesn’t say anything. Blaine gets the feeling that no matter how much he tries to convince Kurt that he’s wrong, Kurt’s not going to believe him.

Blaine is allowed a quick visit to Mr. Hummel’s room. Kurt was right – he does look terrible. He’s awake though, and seems angry more than anything else. It soon becomes obvious to Blaine that he’s trying to act normal as long as Kurt’s in the room, but when Kurt leaves for a few minutes to go to the bathroom he starts muttering things like “fucking idiots” and “speaking crap about my kid.”

Blaine tries to ask him about what happened but Mr. Hummel just shakes his head.

“Those bastards aren’t worth our time and I’m sure Kurt’s already told you the story. They provoked me and I wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to their crap.” His face softens a little. “I didn’t want to say anything to Kurt, you know, about what they said. I knew it would only make him blame himself. But my son is stubborn. And smart, too. When I tried to keep certain things away from him, he knew that I wasn’t giving him the full story. Forced it out of me.”

He shakes his head again, the movement making him wince, and then he attempts a fond smile that mostly just looks like a grimace because of all the cuts and bruises on his face.

Blaine smiles, too. “Yeah, that’s Kurt. He’s definitely stubborn.”

Kurt eventually returns from his bathroom break and Mr. Hummel manages to convince him to go home to get some sleep (apparently he’d spent the previous night at the hospital – no wonder he looks tired, Blaine thinks), and Kurt reluctantly agrees but claims that he’ll be back first thing in the morning.

Kurt drives Blaine home in his dad’s car and when they arrive at Blaine’s house, the street is dark and quiet enough that Blaine risks leaning over to press a quick kiss to Kurt’s lips. Kurt stiffens a bit in his seat and doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with it, but he doesn’t protest either. Before they say goodnight he promises to come over to Blaine’s house the next day after he’s been to the hospital.

Blaine goes straight to bed – it’s past midnight when he finally slips inside his room and he’s completely beat. But he can’t sleep. He feels too worried and unsettled and he can’t seem to rest.

Tonight was a true wake up call. Blaine hasn’t really thought about it before but things can actually happen. Really scary things.

Blaine doesn’t know exactly what happened to Kurt’s dad last night. He doesn’t know if Kurt’s right or if it was all just a coincidence – bullies looking for some action, just happening to pass by Mr. Hummel’s tire shop – but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. It happened. Things were said about Kurt and Mr. Hummel got hurt.

Blaine knows it’s risky business to stand out in a town like Lima. The place is small enough that people know who you are – or they know someone who knows. And gay or not, Kurt has always stood out from the crowd. And that’s enough for some people.

They really do have to be careful now. Clearly there are people in this town already seeing Kurt’s uniqueness as something negative (Blaine doesn’t understand how that is even possible) and the last thing he and Kurt should do right now is give them more reason to think that way. Blaine hates having to hide, hates that he can’t show Kurt off to the world, hates that they can’t be themselves – but he’s seen now what might happen if anyone finds out.

Blaine sighs and turns around, pulling the cover a bit tighter around himself. Things have been so great lately. It all just seems scary now.

 

\----

_Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh, I believe in yesterday_ , Blaine sings quietly, strumming his guitar and staring absently out his bedroom window. Music has always been a comfort to him, but today even the familiar Beatles songs can’t quite put his troubled mind to rest.

Waking up this morning he had a blissful moment where he thought that Mr. Hummel’s hospitalization and the reason for it was nothing but a bad dream. Where the world still seemed like a relatively innocent place. Unfortunately reality kicked in soon enough. It really did happen. Mr. Hummel will be okay – he told Blaine the night before that he hoped to go home in a couple of days – but Blaine can’t help but worry about Kurt and what all this is going to do to him. Blaine knows that no matter what he tells Kurt, Kurt’s still going to feel guilty. It will hang over him like a dark cloud, possibly for the rest of his life. He’s always going to be scared that something like it will happen again.

The really terrible thing is that it probably could.

A light knock on the door interrupts his thoughts, making Blaine pause in the middle of the song. “Who is it?” he calls but instead of an answer the door opens quietly and Kurt peeks inside.

“Hi,” he says quietly. “Your mom let me in.”

Blaine smiles and sets his guitar aside. “Hi,” he murmurs, sliding off the bed and to his feet. He walks over to Kurt and pushes the door shut before giving him a brief kiss and pulling him by the hand over to sit on the edge of the bed with him. “How’s your dad?”

“He’s okay,” Kurt says, stretching his feet out a bit. “I was with him all morning and the doctors seem quite optimistic. They say he might be able to go home tomorrow.”

“That’s a relief. I bet he can’t wait to get out of that bed.” He grins, remembering how Kurt’s always complaining about his dad’s restlessness. Kurt just gives a faint smile in return.

Blaine looks at him. “And how are you?”

Kurt shrugs, not meeting his gaze. “I’m okay.”

Blaine considers him. He’s dressed and styled perfectly, as always, but it’s like there’s a shadow over him, like his spark is more subdued than normal. He looks a little less exhausted than the previous day and Blaine hopes that means that he got some sleep last night, but he seems fidgety and uneasy, almost uncomfortable. “Are you really?”

Kurt sighs and keeps looking down at his hand intertwined with Blaine’s, like it’s the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. They do fit together really nicely, though. “I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed, am I?”

“No, but your dad is, and that affects you too.” He squeezes Kurt’s hand. “Talk to me.”

Kurt looks up at him then, and nods once. “There is actually something that I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Blaine says, shifting until he sits faced towards Kurt on the bed. “What is it?”

Kurt looks at him for a really long time. Straight into his eyes, like he’s staring into his soul. Or like he’s… memorizing him. Then he closes his eyes and just breathes for a moment before opening them again. “This is really hard for me to say, Blaine.”

“Kurt, what’s going on?” Blaine asks anxiously, dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He’s suddenly starting to realize that something is going on and it’s not good. “You said your dad was okay, is–”

“He is,” Kurt interrupts softly. “I mean, as okay as can be expected, you know. This isn’t about that.”

“Okay. Then what is it about?”

Kurt is still looking at him. His bottom lip starts to tremble slightly. “Blaine, I… I don’t think we should be together anymore.”

The silence that follows feels heavy and wrong. Noisy. Probably because of the sudden buzz in his ears. Blaine just stares at Kurt, automatically pulling his hand away from him. He feels cold.

“What?” He whispers finally, even though he heard perfectly well what Kurt said. He just doesn’t want those words to be real. Doesn’t want their meaning to register in his mind.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Kurt continues instead of answering. He looks down at his lap again, twisting his hands together. “But with everything that’s happened, I just think it’s best if we spend some time apart.”

Blaine continues to stare at him. Kurt is clearly uncomfortable – he keeps his gaze downward and is fiddling with his hands. His words sound like they were rehearsed beforehand.

“Kurt,” Blaine says finally, finding his voice again. He has to pull himself together to remain calm. “Is this because of what happened to your dad?”

Kurt looks up then. “Of course it is,” he says, sounding upset. “It’s not safe for us to be together, Blaine. My dad is going to be okay this time. But next time it might be worse. It might happen to you or me. It might not be okay. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about that.”

Blaine doesn’t answer that. Kurt knows him well enough to know that he _has_ been thinking about it. Instead he grabs Kurt’s hand again. He’s not going sit here and just let Kurt slip away from him without a fight.

“But do you really think we’ll be safer if we break up?” he asks. “We’ve been careful, Kurt. No one knows about us except your dad. And we’ll continue to be careful. You said it yourself, that what happened probably wasn’t about us.”

“Not this time,” Kurt says, pulling his hand away and moving a bit away from Blaine, putting some distance between them. Just that little movement hurts more than Blaine thought was possible. “But maybe next time it will be. It’s so easy to slip up, Blaine. What if someone walks in on us kissing in the school bathroom? What if someone sees us making out in the car? It only takes one wrong move and I’m not going to risk it, Blaine. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

“So, what, I don’t get any say in this at all?” He slumps, defeated. Kurt clearly made up his mind about this long before he even set foot in this room.

The look in Kurt’s eyes is so sad that if it had been any other time it would have broken Blaine’s heart. But right now he just feels numb.

“I wish more than anything that there was another way,” Kurt whispers. “But I really think that this is what we need to do right now. There are already people throwing words at me. Keep hanging out with me and you’ll be next.”

“I don’t care,” Blaine whispers emphatically. “I don’t care about any of that. I care about you, Kurt. I love you. Don’t you know that?”

Kurt nods, unable to keep the tears back any longer. “And I love you. But that’s why we need to do this. Don’t you understand?”

Blaine shakes his head. It’s like he’s watching his world fall to pieces right before his eyes. His voice breaks when he speaks. “No, Kurt, I don’t. If we love each other, we should be together. And if you don’t want that, then you can’t possibly love me as much as I love you.”

Kurt stares at him in stunned silence, his mouth opening wordlessly. Blaine doesn’t even care what he’s saying anymore. Anger flares in him, the growing pain in his chest threatening to choke him. He doesn’t understand this. If Kurt really does love him, then why does he seem so determined to break his heart?

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Kurt says quietly, his voice trembling with emotion. “I’m doing this for you. For us.”

Blaine doesn’t want to listen to this anymore. Hearing Kurt list all the reasons why this should somehow be a _good_ idea – he can’t stand to listen to it.

“I don’t care, Kurt. You’ve obviously made up your mind about this and nothing I say is going to make a difference, is it?” He doesn’t wait for an answer from Kurt. He just barrels on. “It’s so typical of you. Whatever you say goes. Never mind what I think. Never mind that you’re breaking my heart right now. You don’t even care, do you? Because you’ve decided that this is the way it’s going to be.”

Kurt just shakes his head in disbelief or sadness or anger or something, tears running freely down his face now. It makes Blaine realize that his own eyes are wet as well. He wipes angrily at them.

Kurt slowly gets to his feet, swaying a bit, like he’s dizzy. “I should go,” he says quietly.

“Yeah, you do that,” Blaine says curtly, his voice sounding cold and foreign to his own ears, like it belongs to someone else. “I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now.”

He watches Kurt walk toward the door like he’s watching a movie unfold in slow motion. This is where the hero is supposed to step up, rush over to Kurt, grab his arm and beg him to stay. This is where they sort things out somehow. But there are no heroes here. There’s only Blaine, and it feels like the only thing he can do right now is just sit there and watch it happen.

Before Kurt leaves the room, he turns around and stares at Blaine with wide eyes, filled with sadness and pain. Blaine just turns away from him, towards the window. Even looking into those eyes feels like too much to handle right now.

Not until he’s heard the front door slam shut downstairs and he’s sure that Kurt has left the house does Blaine allow himself to break down.


	6. I Need You

It’s not easy to go back to school on Monday. Not only because he’s going to see Kurt there – something that used to be his favorite thing about school but that now just feels bittersweet and painful – but the world feels like a completely different place now.

Just a few days ago Blaine had been happy. He’d had a boyfriend that he loved and who was also his best friend, and while it hadn’t always been easy to have to keep their relationship a secret it was still the best thing in Blaine’s life.

Now he has nothing. No boyfriend, no best friend. No happiness.

The only thing left is a broken heart.

And hiding that is, as it turns out, more difficult than any of the other things he’s had to hide.

He tries, without being particularly successful. It’s hard to smile and laugh with his friends when inside, he feels hollow and empty. Instead of being his normal, energetic self, he feels tired and drained most of the time. That probably has to do with how he doesn’t really sleep at night. He misses Kurt terribly, and he can’t stop thinking about their fight and how he basically accused Kurt of being uncaring and self-centered.

Blaine flinches just thinking about it. He doesn’t actually think that at all. He’d felt hurt and betrayed and he’d wanted to hurt Kurt back. Not exactly his finest moment but he hadn’t really cared at the time. Now, he wishes he could turn back time and handle the whole situation a bit more gracefully.

However, he still doesn’t agree with Kurt that this is the best way to handle things. What does it help if they both walk around feeling miserable? People are going to think what they think either way. Now, instead of being happy, he’s sulky and whiny and irritable and just sad, and he suspects that Kurt isn’t doing much better. How is that the better option?

Unless, of course, Kurt really doesn’t feel as strongly about him as he feels about Kurt. And Blaine doesn’t want to think about that, because he knows that’s not how it is. But the thought forces its way into his mind, unbidden and unwelcome.

He pushes it away as best as he can. Kurt loves him. Blaine knows he does. _“I’ve loved you for years, Blaine.”_ That’s what he’d said on that magical day when it’d all began, and Blaine knows in his heart that Kurt hadn’t lied about that.

He doesn’t really talk to Kurt during those first few weeks after the break-up. He doesn’t see him much either. He gets the sense that Kurt is trying to avoid him, and as painful as it is that Kurt doesn’t seem to even want to be near him, Blaine tries to respect that.

At least in the beginning. But as the weeks drag along, slow and dreary, it’s getting more and more difficult to not see Kurt other than in quick glimpses in the school hallways or in the classes that they share. Blaine tries to convince himself that things will eventually get easier, that when the initial pain of his heartbreak has dulled a little, it will all become a bit more bearable somehow.

It doesn’t.

The pain does take on another form, though. It becomes less sharp and turns heavier, seems to take up more space in his body somehow. It’s different but no less painful.

He’s not even upset with Kurt anymore. He’s able to see everything from Kurt’s point of view now, even though he still doesn’t agree with his course of action. He just… wants to be around him. They’ve been friends for so many years that Blaine no longer recognizes his life without Kurt in it. It feels wrong. They’re supposed to be best friends. They’re supposed to be a whole lot more than best friends, but at this point Blaine will take what he can get.

And then there’s a whole other side of things, something that Blaine didn’t even really consider in the beginning, when he was so busy tending to the pieces of his broken heart. (He feels bad about it now, being so selfish, but it was just difficult to focus on other things.)

What if Kurt’s in actual danger?

Someone hurt his dad, and yes, the guys behind it were most likely drunken bullies who would say anything to provoke a reaction. But they said things about Kurt. And Kurt said that people has called him names even before that, at school. Blaine has to wonder if there’s some kind of rumor going around about Kurt. There has to be something that makes people say these things.

And who are these people anyway? Kurt never told him and Blaine never asked. (He should have asked. God, he’s the worst boyfriend and friend ever; he didn’t even notice that this was happening to Kurt.) He never said if it was just bullies at school or other people, too.

Has someone seen something? Seen them? Or are they able to tell somehow? Blaine remembers what Kurt told him once, that he knew about other gay people in Lima because with some people he could just sense it. Blaine has no idea if it actually works that way. He wasn’t even able to tell that his best friend was gay (then again, Kurt hadn’t known about him either). If there really is a ‘radar,’ like Kurt described, then Blaine’s must have some kind of malfunction.

Most likely, though, people are just picking on Kurt because he’s different. And that’s so wrong, because Kurt’s uniqueness is one of the best things about him. He’s independent and strong and he goes his own way, but there are people who can’t handle that and will say anything to feel superior. And if they really have said something about Kurt being gay (Blaine’s still unclear on exactly what kind of things have been said), then they’ve just happened to indicate something about Kurt that is actually true.

Bottom line, though? There could be rumors out there about Kurt, rumors that are true and that absolutely shouldn’t be out there.

And that could, potentially, put Kurt in danger.

Blaine feels helpless and clueless and stupid, because he doesn’t know anything and there’s no one he can talk to about any of these things. The only person he can think of is Kurt, and that is obviously not an option right now.

Blaine tries to keep an eye on Kurt at school, but with how little he sees Kurt these days it doesn’t really work, and it’s already been established that he kind of sucks at paying attention to what’s happening with Kurt. He’s relieved to see that Kurt usually surrounds himself with friends – Tina and Mercedes mostly, and sometimes Sugar – but it doesn’t quite ease his worries.

The truth of the matter is that Blaine wants to be a presence in Kurt’s life again. Not only to be close in case something happens, but because he wants to. He really, really misses Kurt.

“What’s going on with you, man?” Sam asks him one day, as Blaine is eyeing David Karofsky, one of the big football guys in the hallway – even though he doesn’t do anything to Kurt as he walks past him, Blaine does _not_ like the way he looks at Kurt – making Blaine reluctantly pull his eyes away from the scene once he’s sure that Kurt’s not in any danger.

“What do you mean?” he asks absently, having only halfway heard Sam’s question.

“Just–” Sam makes a vague gesture with his hand. “I mean, a while ago your mood was just annoyingly good, like, _all the time_. It’s not normal to be that happy, but I figured, okay, my friend is happy, I can’t fault him for that. Even though I was dying to ask you who she was.”

Blaine just stares at him blankly.

Sam shrugs. “Because I knew there had to be a girl involved. Only girls can make a guy act like that. But I didn’t ask because you’ve always been so secretive about that stuff and I’ve tried to respect that. You know, be a good friend and all that.”

He looks at Blaine, clearly trying to get him to confirm that he’s right, but Blaine keeps his expression carefully neutral. This is dangerous territory, and the best thing he can do right now is to do nothing.

Sam seems unconcerned. “But now you’re just moody and gloomy all the time, and not all that fun to be around, so please, just… just apologize to her, okay? I’m not even going to ask you who she is. Sometimes, with girls, you just need to say you’re sorry, even when it’s not your fault.”

Sam seems to expect him to say something now, so Blaine finally nods, slowly. “Thanks, I guess,” he says. “I’ll… think about what you said.”

Sam seems satisfied with that. “Good. And if you ever… you know, _do_ want to tell me who she is, then I’m all ears.”

“Good to know,” Blaine says, trying to keep his expression as blank and earnest as he possibly can.

He does actually think about what Sam said because his words made a strange sort of sense to Blaine. Or maybe he’s just desperate for things to be okay again.

Either way, the next day he does something that he should have done a long time ago.

He approaches Kurt by his locker before first period, quietly asking, “Can I talk to you for minute?”

Mercedes is standing next to Kurt, and Blaine doesn’t know what Kurt has told her but she gives him a long, hard look and seems to wait for Kurt to say something before she’s willing to leave them alone for even a second. Kurt looks surprised to see Blaine, and Blaine isn’t sure, but he thinks he sees both sadness and pain flash across Kurt’s face before he schools it back to normal and nods, quietly asking Mercedes to give them a moment.

She leaves and Blaine looks around, decides that the hallway is way too crowded for this kind of conversation and guides Kurt into the nearest empty classroom instead. Kurt seems wary, like he’s not completely sure that this is a good idea, but he follows Blaine’s lead willingly enough and waits quietly while Blaine closes the door behind them, effectively shutting out the noise from the students outside.

The classroom is quiet then. Now that he’s here, Blaine suddenly doesn’t know where to begin.

“How are you?” he blurts, because it seems as good a way to start as any, and he genuinely do want to know. It hurts having to ask, though. They used to be best friends, used to be boyfriends; he should _know_ how Kurt’s doing.

Kurt clearly didn’t expect that question. He blinks a few times in surprise before he shrugs. “I’m okay.”

“No one’s been… mean to you?”

Kurt considers him for a moment, like he’s trying to work out what Blaine’s intentions are. “Not really,” he says finally. “I mean, occasionally people… say things, but… it’s been fine, mostly.”

That doesn’t sound convincing to Blaine at all. “Who?” He asks urgently. “Who’s saying things?”

Kurt sighs. “I don’t really want to talk about this, Blaine. And class starts in just a few minutes, so…”

“Okay.” Blaine relents with a reluctant nod, deciding it’s best to drop the subject for now. Right now he needs to say what he came here to say.

He takes a deep breath. “I just wanted to apologize to you,” he starts. “I said some things to you that day that I shouldn’t have said and I’m really sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly.

Blaine nods vigorously. “Yes, I do. I never want to say things like that to you.” He pauses, briefly wondering if he’s about to say the wrong thing but deciding it doesn’t matter. It’s not like he has much to lose at this point. “I love you.”

Kurt visibly swallows and ducks his head. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “And I’m sorry, too. I know I hurt you pretty badly.”

Blaine doesn’t even bother trying to deny that. “So, is this why you’ve been avoiding me lately? Because you’ve been upset with me?”

“No,” Kurt says and he seems genuinely surprised as he looks back up at Blaine. “I haven’t been upset with you. I knew you only said those things because you were hurt.”

“But you’ve still been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t–” Kurt starts, but then he seems to think better of it. He sighs. “It’s just hard. Seeing you. Because I still… there are still feelings there. But I know we can’t do anything about those feelings, so I just… I figured it was easier for both of us if I just stayed away.”

“It’s not, though,” Blaine points out quietly. “I miss you every day.”

Kurt’s gaze drops to the floor again. He nods. “I know,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“Not being with you is not the right thing for me, Kurt,” Blaine insists.

“Blaine, I’m trying to protect you,” Kurt says exasperated, voice rising a little. “I’m trying to make sure that people don’t start calling you the same things they’re calling me. I’m trying to make sure that you’re safe, that what happened to my dad doesn’t happen to you. Don’t you understand that?”

“And what about you?” Blaine asks quietly. “Who’s gonna protect you?”

Kurt just shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I’m being careful. I’m not letting them get to me.”

Yeah, that’s not going to stop Blaine from worrying. At all.

“Can we at least be friends, though?” He asks, trying his best not to sound desperate and probably failing miserably. “Like we used to be?”

Kurt bites his lip. “I want to, Blaine. I really do. But I really think it would be best if we kept some distance between us right now.”

“For how long? We’re _best friends_ , Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt whispers. “I know.”

The school bell rings then, startling them both. Kurt backs away a few steps, even though they weren’t standing very close together in the first place, and just a few seconds later there are students filing into the room. Blaine keeps his gaze locked with Kurt’s for a few seconds before he’s able to tear it away. As he turns and leaves the room, he feels Kurt’s eyes still on him, and he can’t help but wonder what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

 

\----

 

Blaine goes to the park that afternoon. He’s spent way too much time holed up in his room lately and frankly he’s starting to feel a little sick of it. He probably could have hung out with Sam or Mike if he wanted to, but right now he prefers solitude. He just wants to be alone with his thoughts.

It’s cold outside, winter still holding the town in its icy grip, and there are few people in the park. Blaine sits down on one of the swings, pushing himself slowly back and forth with his feet.

He doesn’t know what to do. What can he do? As long as Kurt doesn’t want them to be together, or doesn’t think they _should_ be together, there’s not much Blaine can do. It’s not like he can force Kurt to do anything, and trying to convince him to change his mind is obviously not working.

But he can’t just give up either. Not on Kurt, not as long as he knows that Kurt loves him. But at the moment he has no idea what to do, if there’s even anything he _can_ do.

Blaine doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting there when he becomes aware of a presence next to him, someone flopping down on the swing to his right. He startles and whips his head around, surprised to see Tina there.

“You look a little lost,” she says, giving him a soft smile.

He stares at her. “How did you find me?”

She shrugs. “By accident. I come here sometimes. It’s a good place to think.”

He nods, not saying anything else. They sit in silence for a while and Blaine can’t quite determine if it’s an awkward silence or not. Tina is one of those people that he’s known and been friends with for years, but never really been close with. He’s not sure why that is, because he’s always liked her, but he’s just always thought of her as Kurt’s friend and somehow he hadn’t wanted to intrude on something of Kurt’s. They’ve always had their own group of friends – Blaine’s had Sam and Mike and Kurt’s had Mercedes and Tina.

And then they’ve had each other.

“Are you okay?” Tina asks after a while, pulling him back to the present.

 _No_ , he wants to say because nothing feels okay right now. Everything is wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it. But as much as he’s craving to talk to someone, he knows he can’t say anything to Tina. He can’t say anything to anyone.

It’s such a lonely thought.

“I guess,” he says finally.

She considers him thoughtfully. “You don’t look okay.” She pauses and seems to hesitate for a second before saying, “It’s about Kurt, isn’t it?”

Well, not much point denying that, he supposes. “We had a fight,” he says truthfully. “And things have been… difficult ever since.”

She nods slowly and looks down at her feet for a while. Then she says something that almost makes him choke on his breath. “I know about you and Kurt.”

He stares at her. “What are you talking about?” He asks cautiously, trying to sound oblivious.

She smiles a little and lowers her voice, even though there’s no one around. “I know you’re not just friends.”

He continues to stare at her, trying to decide if she’s out to trick him for some reason. He doesn’t know her well enough to determine what’s going on here, doesn’t know how she can possibly know what she claims to know. But she’s looking at him with nothing but kind patience in her eyes and finally he asks quietly, “How do you know? Did Kurt tell you?”

She shakes her head. “No. I figured it out. I… know what to look for, I guess.” Blaine just looks at her blankly, so she adds, “My uncle has been with his partner, his _male_ partner, for almost ten years.”

Blaine blinks. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “They live in New York. Not a lot of people know that they’re together. Just me and my parents and a few others.”

“You’re actually not joking right now,” he mumbles in quiet disbelief.

“I’m not,” she confirms with a small laugh. She seems to find this quite amusing.

Blaine comes to think of something. “Does Kurt know? That you know about us?”

She nods. “I told him a few days ago. He’s been so sad lately, and I noticed that you’ve been too, so I had a pretty good idea about what’s going on. I figured it was time for me to finally say something.”

He stares at her again. “How long have you known?”

“Not very long. I had a feeling that Kurt was interested in you, but for a long time I didn’t say anything to him because I wasn’t sure, you know? But then, a while ago, I noticed that you and Kurt were looking at each other in a whole new way. And then I knew.”

“Just like that?” Blaine asks, feeling a bit dizzy. “I thought we were careful. What if everyone knows?”

Tina shakes her head. “They don’t. Most people don’t even really think about being gay as an option, you know? It doesn’t exist to them. I’m pretty sure that you and Kurt would have to kiss in broad daylight for them to realize what’s going on.”

Her words make him blush a little, but he feels exhilarated too, by how she talks about this so openly. Like it’s all okay.

He huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “Kurt thought you had a crush on me,” he tells her. “Apparently you’d been asking questions about me.”

She giggles. “Only because I tried to figure out how he felt about you. You’re cute, Blaine, but you’re not my type. No offense.”

“None taken.”

Blaine feels baffled, but in a good way. He needed someone to talk to, and now she’s here, sitting on the swing next to his, without judging him or telling him that what he feels is wrong. It’s quite the opposite – she acts as if the idea of him and Kurt together is the most natural thing in the world. And that… is kind of exactly what he needed.

“So, Kurt told me what’s happened between you two,” she says, her smile disappearing. “I know it must be hard.”

“I just want to be with him,” Blaine confesses, and it feels both strange and liberating to say those words out loud to someone who isn’t Kurt. “But he doesn’t think we should. He doesn’t think it’s safe.” He shrugs. “Maybe he’s right.”

She sighs. “Maybe. I think he’s mostly just freaked out about what happened to his dad. And I get that.”

“I get it too, but… I just don’t agree that it’s safer for us to be apart. I think we should stick together. I worry about him.” He comes to think of something. “Do you know who’s been harassing him?”

She doesn’t answer, but she looks down and shifts uncomfortably and yes, she definitely knows.

“Please?” He pleads. “He won’t talk to me about it, but I really think that I should know these things.”

She hesitates and there’s another long pause before she speaks. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to do anything, okay? Trust me; the best thing to do is to lay low. So far you haven’t been targeted, and I know that Kurt wants it to stay that way. So, promise me.”

He sighs and nods a bit reluctantly. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to just do nothing. But he needs to know this. “I promise.”

“Okay.” She sighs. “It’s David Karofsky and a couple of his idiot followers. They’ve been after Kurt since last year. So far it’s only been verbal and I’m not sure they’d actually do anything else, but–” She shakes her head and doesn’t finish the sentence.

Blaine nods slowly, worry churning in his stomach. He’s had a bad feeling about Karofsky ever since he saw him give Kurt that look in the hallway. “I feel really guilty that I haven’t noticed anything,” he admits. “I don’t understand how I could’ve been so blind.”

Tina reaches over and pats his arm. “Don’t beat yourself up, Blaine. You didn’t know because Kurt didn’t want you to know. This… bullying has only occurred when Kurt’s been alone because Karofsky’s just a real coward like that. And Kurt, of course, hasn’t told anyone about it. Mercedes and I just happened to come along and see it all happen one day.”

Blaine sighs and shakes his head, feeling so helpless in all this. “And now, what? I’m supposed to do nothing? Just let Kurt go through this alone?”

Tina looks at him. “Blaine, you and Kurt can’t do anything to draw attention to yourselves. You have to lay low. I know it’s difficult, but it’s the best thing to do.”

Blaine sighs again. “I just wish there was something I could do. Just to be there for him. But Kurt doesn’t want us to be near each other right now.”

She gives him a sympathetic look. “If it makes you feel any better, we’re all looking out for him as much as we can. But I’ll talk to him, okay? See if I can get him to change his mind. Trust me, I want him to be safe more than anything, but I don’t think that giving up his happiness is the right way to do it.”

He looks at her. “He said that? That he’s giving up his happiness?”

“Not in so many words, but it’s pretty obvious.” She smiles a little. “He really does love you, Blaine.”

Blaine smiles sadly. “I know. The feeling’s mutual.”

Her smile turns wider. “He told me you sang to him. That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Blaine feels his cheeks turn pink but Tina just laughs and begs him to tell her everything (even though he’s pretty sure that Kurt’s already given her the story).

So he does. Well, not _everything_ , because some things just aren’t meant to be shared with anyone other than Kurt, but it feels so amazing to finally speak to someone about Kurt that Blaine just talks and talks and talks.

When he rides his bike home that evening he feels… lighter. More hopeful. Because even if things are rough right now, it doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be like this. Kurt still loves him, and as long as he does, Blaine’s not giving up on him.

And now they have someone else in their corner. Somehow it already feels a little less lonely.

 

\----

 

The next week Blaine gets to see David Karofsky in action first hand, and it honestly shocks him.

He’s hurrying to reach his final class for the day on time – the bell has already rang and the hallways are quickly emptying – and just as he’s turning a corner he sees David Karofsky shove Kurt into a locker. Like, really shove him. Hard. There’s a loud bang, and then Karofsky hisses something right into Kurt’s face. Blaine’s not close enough to hear exactly what he says, but he’s pretty sure he can make out the words ‘lady Hummel’.

Blaine doesn’t really think, he just… reacts. “Hey,” he shouts and rushes over, grabbing a hold of Karofsky’s jacket and pulling him away from Kurt with a strength he didn’t even know he possessed. “Leave him alone!”

Karofsky seems surprised that there’s someone else there and doesn’t say anything, just snorts and walks away, disappearing into a nearby classroom. Blaine finally turns to look at Kurt, who hasn’t moved from his spot, his body trembling all over.

“Kurt,” he says, and then he doesn’t know what else to say because asking Kurt if he’s okay seems so silly right now. He takes Kurt’s hand instead and pulls him towards the nearest bathroom, but there are people in there so he turns and heads for the stairs to the basement instead. There isn’t much down there – only the janitor’s closet and some storage rooms and a few rooms that are always locked off – but Blaine opens the door to one of the storage rooms and pulls Kurt inside.

It’s crammed and dusty and the light bulb over their heads is blinking ominously when Blaine turns the switch, but it doesn’t matter. He just needed to get Kurt away.

“Kurt,” he says again, and again he doesn’t say anything else. He just looks at Kurt, who’s stopped trembling now and is looking at Blaine with wide eyes.

“I’m okay,” he says breathlessly. “He just… caught me off guard. He’s never done that before.”

Blaine shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t done it before. He did it now. And he’s been harassing you for a long time. It’s not right, Kurt.”

Kurt doesn’t seem very surprised that Blaine knows that. He just sighs tiredly. “Of course it’s not right. But it is what it is. And we’re not going to do anything about it.”

Blaine looks at him in disbelief. “How can you say that?”

“Because that’s how it is. What would you even do? Talk to him? Punch him in the face? Talk to the principal? None of those things would work, Blaine. It would just make everything worse.”

Blaine just shakes his head again. “There has to be something,” he insists.

“There’s not,” Kurt tells him. He sighs. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to get involved. We have to keep our heads held high and just ignore him, Blaine. If we don’t, he’s only going to come after me even harder. And not only that – he’s going to come after you, too.”

Blaine slumps against the door behind him. “I just feel so helpless,” he whispers. “I hate it.”

“I know.” Kurt takes a step closer to him. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine shakes his head again. “Why? None of this is your fault.”

“I know that, but–” He looks off to the side for a moment before looking back at Blaine. His eyes are wide and sad. “I miss you so much, Blaine,” he whispers. “I’m so tired of pretending that I don’t need you.”

“Then don’t,” Blaine murmurs, and he doesn’t even think, he just reaches out a hand and pulls Kurt close, crashing their mouths together.

There’s no protest, no hesitation from Kurt, he just sinks into Blaine and they kiss, deeply, eagerly, almost desperately, every pent-up emotion pouring out. It’s sloppy and messy, but it’s Kurt and it’s Blaine and it’s _them_ and that’s all that matters.

He feels Kurt against him, pressing into him in a way that’s brand new, and he groans but he doesn’t stop kissing Kurt, he only pulls him impossibly closer. They’re both gasping when they come up for air and Kurt rests his forehead against Blaine’s, both of them just breathing in the same space.

When a tear hits his cheek, he’s not sure if it’s his or Kurt’s.


	7. Hold Me Tight

The last thing Blaine needs when he comes home that afternoon is another ‘talk’ with his mother, but once again her plans seem to be the exact opposite of his.

She has dinner ready and Blaine is starving, but he would also really like to just _eat_ , and then escape to his room where he can be alone and think – think about Kurt and what happened today and what the hell he’s supposed to do now. And then play a few songs, probably sad songs about love and heartbreak and all that other stuff that songs are written about. Blaine has never been able to relate to those songs as much as he does now.

Clearly his thoughts will have to wait, though. It’s obvious through the entire dinner that his mother is about to bring something up – she just seems to be waiting for the right time to do it, probably because she doesn’t want it to seem obvious that this is something that she’s thought about.

She really is very predictable sometimes.

“I haven’t seen Kurt around lately,” she starts when Blaine is almost done eating. Blaine braces himself for wherever she’s going with this.

“He’s been busy,” he says vaguely. “And you know, so have I. This is our senior year, it’s a busy time.”

She nods, flashing him a sympathetic smile. “I hope his father is doing better?” she inquires.

“He is,” Blaine tells her. “He’s back at work and is mostly healed now, I think.”

“That’s good. It’s so terrible what happened to him.”

Blaine nods because yes, it was terrible. He’s just happy that Mr. Hummel wasn’t permanently injured.

“I talked to Quinn Fabray’s mother at the store today,” his mother tells him after a stretch of silence.

“Okay,” Blaine says, not sure what she expects him to have to say about that.

“You’re friends with Quinn, aren’t you?”

“Um, not really,” Blaine says honestly. “We’re in glee club together, but that’s about it.”

She nods slowly, contemplatively. “She’s such a sweet girl, though, don’t you think?” When he doesn’t say anything she adds, “Perhaps you could invite her out sometime?”

“Not again, mom,” he sighs, shaking his head in disbelief because she _just doesn’t stop_. It’s so frustrating and it’s the last thing he needs today, when his head is full of Kurt and their kiss and how much he wants a future with him. With Kurt. A boy.

His mother, on the other hand, seems obsessed with him finding a girlfriend.

It’s so messed up.

“I’m just trying to help, sweetheart,” she tells him and Blaine knows that, he knows that she means well, but she just doesn’t get it. She’s never going to.

“Well, can you just stop?” he asks and it comes out a little more forceful that he intended to, but he’s just so sick of this. He just wants her to leave him alone. “I can handle my own love life, okay?”

She looks a little like someone just kicked her. “I just think it would be a good idea for you to try and make some new friends,” she says. “You’re spending so much time with Kurt–”

“Mom, I’ve hardly seen Kurt at all for weeks!” Blaine exclaims, exasperated.

“And perhaps that isn’t such a bad thing. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to meet some new people.”

“You mean girls.” He gives her a pointed look.

She looks at him, her expression somewhere between worried and pitying. He hates when she looks at him like that, like he’s some hopeless case that needs rescuing. “Your dad and I just think that it would be a good idea if–”

“Dad?” Blaine asks disbelievingly. “He’s not even around! I don’t think I’ve had a conversation with him in weeks, maybe even months. He’s never cared about my life before and he gets no say in it now. And I can’t believe you guys have discussed this! What does it matter who I’m friends with?”

His mother shifts on her chair, obviously uncomfortable. She’s never handled confrontations or unpleasant situations very well. “We just think that it might be good for you to have other influences than Kurt in your life.”

Blaine stares at her, wondering if he actually heard her right. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, trying to keep his voice calm but failing, because it’s trembling. His mother doesn’t answer right away so he continues, voice rising again, “You think _Kurt_ is _bad_ influence on me?” He shakes his head. He can’t believe this. “Kurt is the sweetest, the bravest, the most incredible person in the world. He’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. He’s been there for me through good times and bad times, and you’re telling me he’s a _bad influence_? No, mom. You don’t get to say that. And I’m not going to listen to it. I’m sick of you and your obsession with finding me a suitable girl. I’m sick of you thinking you have a say in how I live my life – and do you want to know something, mom? No girl is ever going to mean as much to me as Kurt does, okay? Never. So just stop it.”

The room falls silent, only the ticking from the grandfather clock breaks it. His mother stares at him with wide eyes and Blaine knows why. He’s never yelled at her like this before, but then he’s also never been this angry with her before. Sure, he’s often been frustrated, upset and sick of her meddling, but he’s never felt anger flare so strongly.

How dare she say things like that about Kurt? How dare she say that Kurt is a bad influence? Kurt’s the exact opposite – he’s too good for Blaine, too good for this world.

Blaine closes his eyes for a moment and tries to get his breathing and his anger under control. He speaks without thinking when he gets angry, and he shouldn’t have spoken so fondly of Kurt to her – he’s treading a very fine line by saying such things, one that he should stay far away from.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” he says finally. “I just wish you would leave me alone. I’m not going to find the right girl any faster with you interfering because those things have to come naturally, you know? I know you’re just trying to help, but… you’re not.”

She nods mutely, looking hurt and upset, and Blaine feels a flash of guilt for lashing out at her like that. He should have spoken up to her a long time ago, but then he’s not one for confrontations either – he supposes he gets that from her. And possibly also from his father, who seem to do his best to avoid having to speak with either one of them.

He pushes himself up from his chair – his limbs heavy and his head too full. It feels like the day’s been going on forever. “Thanks for dinner,” he says quietly. “I have some homework to do.”

Blaine leaves her there, guilt a heavy feeling in his stomach as he walks away. He knows he didn’t only hurt her – he also just lied to her face by implying that he will give her a daughter-in-law someday if she would only ‘let things happen naturally.’

But he just can’t bear to take that dream away from her, no matter how angry he gets. It’s basically all she lives for.

He practically drags his feet up the stairs. Sometimes the pressure just feels too heavy.

 

\----

 

Blaine’s not sure what possesses him to sing to Kurt in glee club.

It’s not like it’s going to change anything. It’s not like it’s going to tell Kurt anything he doesn’t already know. It’s not like it’s going to make Karofsky stay away from him. If anything, it’s kind of a huge risk, one that Blaine absolutely shouldn’t take right now. Anyone could figure out that the words he’s singing aren’t just words, that he’s not just performing a random song this time. That he means every single word, that the lyrics are meant for someone.

For Kurt.

Singing this song could be a very stupid thing to do. Kurt might kill him for it.

But he really just needs to _do_ something right now. He’s been trying to respect Kurt’s wish and ignore David Karofsky (which he has, though he’s also been doing what he can to make sure that Kurt’s never alone at school), but that means that he needs to do something else. Something… positive. Something bold. Something to remind Kurt of how much Blaine loves him. They’ve only ever been able to express their feelings to each other in private and now Blaine’s doing it in front of other people. Even if Kurt is, hopefully, the only person who will get the message (in addition to Tina, probably), Blaine is still declaring his love to him in public.

It’s really a pretty huge romantic gesture, Blaine thinks to himself, feeling quite proud of this idea. It’s probably, no, _definitely_ , the most romantic thing he’s ever done.

He just hopes that Kurt will see it the same way.

It’s a spur of the moment idea, though. It only occurs to him when Mr. Schue asks if anyone has prepared something for today. Blaine hasn’t, but he could sing Beatles songs in his sleep – he _knows_ those songs. So his hand shoots in the air before he really has time to think it through, and Mr. Schue ushers him to step forward and stand in the front of the group.

Blaine knows he can’t be too obvious about what he’s doing here. He searches his brain for a moment, trying to think of an appropriate song to sing and picks the first one that comes to mind. He then grabs a guitar from the stand by the wall and tells the group, as casually as he can, that he’s going to sing one of his favorite songs, leaving out any further reasons he might have had for choosing it.

His glee club friends don’t seem to think much of it, because it’s no secret to anyone that Blaine is a Beatles fan. They seem rather bored actually, which he supposes he can’t exactly blame them for. Blaine’s always performing Beatles songs if he gets to choose, so what else is new?

Of course, most of the others are Beatles fans also, but while they like to listen to other stuff sometimes for variation, Blaine doesn’t really… do that very often. He’s just more of a one band type of guy.

He strips the song down to a much more minimalistic and quieter version than the original, and starts out a bit tentatively ( _It feels so right now, hold me tight, tell me I'm the only one, and then I might never be the lonely one_ ). He tries not to pay too much attention to Kurt in particular, which is hard considering the song is for him, plus he looks absolutely gorgeous today.

But he thinks about Kurt being scared of people finding out about them. He thinks about his own worries. He thinks about Mr. Hummel making them both promise to be careful – and he knows he can’t be careless right now, as much as he might want.

So he lets his gaze wander around the room, not settling on anyone in particular for too long. And based on the mostly blank looks he gets in return, he’s pretty sure he’s getting away with it. Santana is wearing a wicked smirk (though that is her default expression so he’s not too bothered by it), Puck is watching him with amused interest and Tina is smiling encouragingly at him (he gives her a small smile in return), but that’s about it. Even Rachel seems bored.

Then there’s Kurt.

Blaine allows himself to look at Kurt during some of the more poignant moments of the song ( _It's you, you you you oooo oooo_ ) and Kurt’s just… staring wide-eyed at him. He swallows visibly and is clutching his hands tightly together in his lap, and yeah, he definitely understands who this song is meant for. It’s hard to read what’s going on in his head though, apart from the obvious surprise. But surprise is good. Surprise is what Blaine was going for.

But after that Blaine doesn’t really notice any of them anymore. He gets lost in the song, closes his eyes and pictures Kurt in his head (if he can’t look at real Kurt, then imaginary Kurt isn’t such a bad substitute) – Kurt smiling and laughing. Kurt hugging him, kissing him. Kurt telling Blaine he loves him with nothing but openness and honesty in his eyes.

It’s like he’s watching a movie about them, the happy version, the one that doesn’t have an ending yet.

He opens his eyes again as the song comes to an end and chances another glance at Kurt, who’s still wearing that same surprised expression, but he also looks a bit… angry?

Shit. He probably didn’t like it, then. Blaine slumps a bit but he accepts the applause he gets (and ignores Puck’s call of “Who do you wanna do, Anderson?”) with a small bow and returns to his seat in the front row, right in front of Kurt’s chair.

He watches Santana and Rachel’s performances without paying them too much attention. He’s just all too aware of Kurt’s presence behind him.

 

\----

 

Blaine gets a strong sense of déjà vu when he hears the sound of rocks against glass that afternoon. He jumps up from his desk chair, abandoning the homework he’s attempting to get done, and moves over to the window in a few long strides.

He’s unsurprised to see Kurt outside because Kurt is still the only person who uses the rocks-against-window method to contact him. However, the fact that Kurt is here at all _is_ quite unexpected. Blaine had hoped to get a reaction from Kurt after his performance in the choir room earlier that afternoon, especially after seeing the anger on Kurt’s face afterwards, but he hadn’t expected it to happen quite so soon and he definitely hadn’t expected Kurt to come to his house. Kurt hasn’t been here since the day they broke up.

His heart is beating wildly in his chest and the nerves and the excitement are fighting for dominance as he all but skips down the stairs and eagerly pulls the front door open. “Hi! Come in.”

Kurt doesn’t move at first. He seems hesitant and looks around like he’s checking the surrounding area for witnesses. “Are you alone?” he asks. “I know your mother usually does charity work on Tuesdays…”

“Yeah, it’s just me here,” Blaine confirms, and Kurt nods and finally steps over threshold.

Blaine closes the door behind him and tries to gauge his mood but it’s difficult to tell. He seems calm and quiet, but it also feels like maybe that’s just a mask he’s putting on, like there might be something quite different underneath.

Then Blaine comes to think of something else. “Um, is your dad okay with you being here? I know you said that he wasn’t going to let you come to my house unless one of my parents was here.”

Kurt fixes him with a disbelieving look. “Is that really your biggest concern right now?” When Blaine doesn’t say anything, mostly because he _does_ feel a bit silly for pointing it out, Kurt sighs. “Don’t worry, he’s not going to find out. And it’s not like we really require supervision anyway, right? We’re not doing anything.”

Blaine flushes a little, but it’s true, they don’t. They’re not even together. So he just nods and motions for Kurt to lead the way upstairs, because while Blaine does have the house to himself, he always feels more comfortable in his own space. His mother’s carefully decorated rooms have always felt a bit too stiff and impersonal to him.

Up in his room Blaine experiences another flash of déjà vu because this feels a lot like the day after he’d expressed his feelings to Kurt for the first time, when Kurt had come to his house early in the morning to talk.

Until he closes the door behind him and turns around to meet Kurt’s hard stare, the quiet calm long gone – and then it doesn’t feel the same at all.

“What were you thinking?” Kurt hisses, staring at him with wide, heated eyes.

Uh-oh.

“What do you mean?” Blaine asks, feigning innocence, but it’s not like he doesn’t know what Kurt’s talking about, and it’s not like Kurt doesn’t know that he knows.

“Singing that song? In front of the entire glee club?”

Blaine slumps, disappointed. He’s not sure what he’d hoped to achieve with his performance, but he’d hoped that Kurt would like it, at least a little. That he would see how much Blaine meant it.

“I just wanted to express to you how I feel,” he says, shrugging helplessly.

“With _that_ song?” Kurt stares at him in disbelief. “ _Making love to only you, so hold me tight, tonight_. Really, Blaine? What were you thinking?”

Blaine flinches at the quote and he can feel his cheeks turn red. Maybe he hadn’t picked the best song for this purpose. He’d just chosen a song that he likes, one that seemed to communicate his feelings, but somewhere in the midst of it all he’d apparently forgotten to really… consider all of the lyrics.

He looks down, embarrassed, unable to meet Kurt’s eyes.

“I guess I didn’t,” he mumbles to the floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

There’s a long stretch of silence and Blaine finally chances a glance up at Kurt. He’s still staring at Blaine, but his glare has softened a little and after a while he seems to finally deflate. He relaxes his shoulders.

“It just took me by surprise,” he says with a small sigh. “And then those lyrics… I didn’t understand why you’d do something like that, why you’d take such a risk. But it’s okay. The others didn’t notice. If anything they thought the song was about Tina.”

That’s certainly a relief, but Blaine still lets out an annoyed huff. “Why does everyone think I’m into Tina?”

“Apparently you smiled at her during the song, or something?” Kurt shrugs. “But, I mean, it’s good, that they thought that. No harm done.”

“So you’re not angry?” Blaine looks at him from under his lashes, going for puppy dog innocent. “I had nothing but good intentions, I promise.”

Kurt continues to stare at him for a while, but his mouth is beginning to twitch and finally he huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “I just can’t seem to stay angry with you for any length of time,” he complains, but he doesn’t sound all that bothered by it. “Even when you’re taking stupid risks like that. I know you meant well, but you have to admit that your choice of song was questionable, at best.”

Blaine just smiles sheepishly and gives Kurt an apologizing shrug. “I could sing to you again?” he suggests hopefully. “I’ll let you choose the song.”

Kurt looks like he’s not sure whether Blaine’s being serious or not. He is, though. Mostly.

“Maybe some other time,” Kurt finally says, not quite able to suppress a smile.

Blaine can’t stop grinning either. Suddenly everything is so different from how it’s been lately, and Blaine didn’t realize until now how much he’s missed this particular part of their relationship – the fun, light part, filled with good-natured bantering and the feeling of being on the exact same page. Everything has been so intense lately, so serious, even before they broke up. This is how it should be. How it used to be.

There’s still a rather big elephant in the room, though, one that’s not going to go away unless they actually talk about it. Blaine knows that now is the time to do just that – now that Kurt is done yelling at him for the song (which he clearly wasn’t all that mad about after all) and they finally feel like them again. He doesn’t really know where to start, though.

Much to his relief Kurt’s the one who takes the first step.

“So…” he begins, breaking the silence that has fallen between them, and somehow the atmosphere seems to change completely with that single word. “We haven’t actually talked since… since that day in the storage room.” He looks off to the side, away from Blaine’s gaze, his cheeks coloring just a little, and Blaine can’t help but find that adorable. “I still don’t really know what to say.”

“That’s okay,” Blaine murmurs. Those few minutes they shared in the storage room had been intense and emotional and kind of… revealing. If either of them had thought that their feelings would somehow die down or disappear by putting distance between them, they couldn’t have been more wrong. “I don’t really know what to say either. We can figure it out together,” he offers.

Kurt smiles a little, still not looking at Blaine. “And this is why I can’t get over you,” he says quietly, almost as if he’s talking to himself.

Blaine blinks. “What?”

Kurt looks at him then, and he huffs a weak laugh and shrugs helplessly. “You’re so _good_ , Blaine. You’re the best person I know, next to my dad. You’re my best friend. And I feel like… you’re that person, you know? That special person that everyone is looking for, that some people spend their whole life searching for. You are that person to me.”

“Oh,” Blaine says dumbly, too stunned to offer anything more eloquent. Kurt isn’t usually this open about how he feels, and just hearing him use such words to describe the bond between them makes Blaine feel all warm inside. Especially considering how difficult things have been between them lately. Blaine didn’t realize how much he was craving those words.

Kurt continues, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t even deserve you. And I’m not saying that because I want you to make me feel better, I actually mean it. You just keep giving and giving, and you’re so generous and open with your feelings and your emotions and I just… keep giving you a hard time.”

Blaine opens his mouth to protest, but Kurt lifts his hand. “No, Blaine. Like I said, I’m not looking for you to make me feel better.” Blaine closes his mouth again. “I just want you to know that… that I know that this is hurting you. And that it’s not something that I’m doing lightly.”

“I know that,” Blaine says quietly. “You’re doing what you believe is best.”

“Yeah.” Kurt looks down, shuffling his feet. “But maybe it’s not.”

Blaine just looks at him, not sure what he’s supposed to say right now. But apparently Kurt doesn’t expect him to say anything at all because after a moment he continues talking.

“Sometimes I just wonder if maybe I was overreacting. I was so sure that it was only a matter of time before the whole town knew about me being gay, but I’m starting to think that you were right. They don’t know. Karofsky and his friends are harassing me because they’re bullies. And those guys that hurt dad… they’re bullies, too. I don’t know how they even knew who I am, but it’s a small town and who knows, maybe they’re friends with Karofsky or something.” He shrugs. “My point is that… nothing is changing. I thought the whole town was going to find out about me, but they haven’t. Karofsky’s still the only one who’s bothering me and even he hasn’t been doing it as much lately since I suddenly have a bunch of babysitters who barely let me walk around alone.” He makes an attempt to seem annoyed by that, but isn’t particularly successful because a fond smile appears instead. “And I feel like… like maybe my fears were completely irrational and that all I’ve done is wasted time that I could have spent with you.”

Blaine doesn’t say anything at first. He’s a bit stunned to be honest, because he hadn’t expected to hear these words from Kurt – he’d hoped, yes, but not expected them.

Kurt looks like he’s waiting for Blaine to say something though, and Blaine feels like he has to offer some sort of comfort or support. “Your fears are not irrational, Kurt,” he says. “They’re very real and very understandable. And I know that a part of the reason you did all this was to protect me, and I love you for that.”

Kurt gives him a weak smile.

“But I also think that this is something that affects us both. Knowing that someone is bullying you? That affects me, Kurt. And it kills me that you won’t let me be there for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt whispers.

“No, it’s okay, I get it. You have such a kind heart and you’re so protective of the people you care about. You don’t have to be sorry about that. But… I just wish you’d let me go through this with you. We’re in the same boat, you and me – we’re the only ones who can really understand each other.”

“We are,” Kurt agrees quietly, his smile turning more genuine.

“I know you’re worried about people finding out about us,” Blaine continues. “And I am, too. But I think that if we’re careful, we’ll be okay. And I think that as long as we’re there for each other, we can face anything.”

Kurt stares at him. “I thought you said you didn’t know what to say.”

Blaine shrugs. “I didn’t, not really. This is just how I feel.”

“Well, for some reason you’re making an awful lot of sense to me right now,” Kurt says, sounding like he’s not sure whether he’s happy about that or not. “Makes me wish I’d listened to you sooner.”

“Well, it’s not too late,” Blaine offers hopefully, not quite able to suppress a grin.

A small laugh slips out of Kurt but the smile vanishes again quickly. “I’m still not sure, though. I’m still worried. And I’m still not sure we should be together.”

“Then let’s be friends,” Blaine says, willing to take anything he can get at this point. It’s probably incredibly sad and pathetic, but he doesn’t care. “Best friends, like we’ve always been.”

Kurt looks wistful for a moment, but then doubt takes over again. “Do you really think we can? Be just friends?” He smiles uncertainly. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to… not be more.”

“I wouldn’t mind if we were,” Blaine says softly.

“I know you wouldn’t.” Kurt laughs a little and shakes his head like Blaine is some hopeless child.

“I don’t think you would mind either.” Blaine arches his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt looks down and away, but he smiles to himself and Blaine knows then that they will be okay. All the tension that has been lingering over Kurt like a dark cloud lately seems to have disappeared, and in its place is a quiet, tentative hopefulness. It makes his eyes sparkle and his whole face seem so much lighter, and to Blaine he’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

It hits him suddenly that he can’t even remember the last time he saw Kurt smiling, before today. It was probably sometime before his father got hurt. He’s missed Kurt’s smiles, especially the ones that seem to be reserved only for Blaine, those quiet, happy ones that make Blaine feel like he’s doing something right. That makes him feel like maybe _he’s_ actually making _Kurt_ happy.

There’s nothing in the world that Blaine wants more than that.

Kurt takes a few steps closer to him, close enough that he can reach out and take Blaine’s hand. His movements are tentative, careful like he isn’t sure if this is the right move or not. “Blaine, I want to tell you something. Something important.”

“Okay.” Blaine feels his stomach dropping, because he knows from experience that when ‘something important’ is about to be said, it could potentially be something really, really bad. He steels himself for the worst, but Kurt squeezes his hand and gives him a small smile and he doesn’t look at all like he did on that horrible day when they broke up. It makes Blaine breathe a little easier.

Kurt looks him directly in the eyes when he speaks again. “I want you to know that I see you in my future,” he says, his voice steady and sure. “I want you to know that I love you very, very much. We can’t be us right now, but in the fall, after we graduate, I’m going to New York. And I hope that you’ll consider coming with me.”

Blaine opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. It’s kind of a lot to take in and he doesn’t quite trust his own voice right now.

A future with Kurt.

It’s pretty much all he’s wanted ever since he realized how he felt about Kurt. He hasn’t really thought about it in detail or anything; he just knew that he wanted to be where Kurt was.

He doesn’t know why he and Kurt haven’t talked about the future before, but to Blaine it just always felt so far away and so impossible sometimes that he wasn’t sure if the future he wanted could ever be obtained. So he’s kept his focus on the here and now, which really was enough to worry about most of the time, and then at other times it was so amazing that Blaine didn’t want to think about anything else.

He’s definitely dreamed about a future with Kurt though, he just hasn’t thought much about what it would actually mean. Or the fact that someday it might be more than just a dream.

Kurt steps even closer to him, taking his other hand as well. “New York is different than Ohio, Blaine. We can be together there. I mean, we still can’t be public about it, but there are lots of gay people there, people who live together, even.” His eyes are shining, and he looks so happy (so beautiful), almost buzzing with excitement as this prospect. “We can have a life together.”

Blaine nods and swallows down a lump in his throat. He remembers Tina telling him about her uncle and his partner. It’s actually possible.

“I want that more than anything,” he whispers intently.

Kurt nods, his eyes bright. “I want it, too. And… I know that things have been difficult lately, and that they might continue to be difficult for a while, but… you shouldn’t doubt how I feel about you. Or what I want.”

“I won’t,” Blaine promises. “Not anymore.”

“Okay. Good.” Kurt looks relieved and he smiles at Blaine. “I’m going to hug you now.”

“Not if I hug you first,” Blaine grins, feeling giddy and elated because he has a _future_ with _Kurt_ to look forward to now, and before Kurt has the chance to react he lunges forward and wraps Kurt up in the biggest hug he can manage.

A surprised shriek slips out of Kurt but he laughs and hugs Blaine back like he means it, and Blaine wishes he didn’t have to let him go, ever. It hits him that in a way he doesn’t, because Kurt all but promised him the future just now. As much as anything can be certain in life, they are going to be together someday. Someday soon, hopefully.

It sounds incredibly clichéd even as he’s thinking it, but it’s like his life finally makes sense now. He’s been floundering a bit lately, not quite being able to find his footing or know what to do and where to go, but it feels like he has a purpose now. Like he has a direction in life.

He can start making plans now. He can answer his mother’s careful enquiries about whether or not he’s thought about where he wants to go to college. He can tell her that he’s going to New York; he can start looking at schools there. Maybe look into Columbia, which would probably satisfy his father, who went to Yale and wants Blaine to follow in his footsteps, though Blaine is pretty sure he’d see Columbia as an acceptable choice, too.

Come fall, his life can finally begin. In New York. With Kurt.

“I love you so much,” he whispers into Kurt’s ear, feeling Kurt shiver a bit in his arms. “I can’t wait to be with you again.”

“Me neither,” Kurt tells him, and they stay in each other’s arms a while longer. Blaine revels in the closeness, in the warmth, in _Kurt_. And when they finally (regretfully) pull apart, they sit down next to each other on Blaine’s bed, legs and arms touching, their hands still linked together, thumbs brushing against skin in a way that feels innocent and intimate at the same time.

It certainly is going to be difficult to be just friends with Kurt, and this hand-holding thing they have going on right now is definitely crossing the line into boyfriend territory, but Kurt doesn’t seem to mind all that much. And Blaine knows that even though they’ll define themselves as friends for the next few months, it won’t be a typical friendship. They’ll be friends who were once boyfriends, friends who are planning a future together, friends who are in love. Which pretty much makes them boyfriends, he supposes, but Kurt is uncomfortable with them being in a relationship right now, and Blaine wants to respect that.

This is something he can live with. This means that he can talk to Kurt every day, that he can keep a better eye on him at school and make sure that Karofsky and his followers aren’t bothering him. This means that he can visit Kurt at his house and have dinners with him and his dad. And it will probably mean that his mother will go back to questioning all the time he spends with Kurt, but Blaine could not care less right now. She will have to get used to it. Kurt is going to be around a lot in the years to come.

“So, tell me,” Kurt says, turning toward Blaine with that look on his face that tells Blaine that he’s ready to talk about less serious things. “How shocked were you to find out that Tina knows about us?”

 

\----

 

And so their life continues. They are friends – friends who sometimes can’t help crossing the line into more – but never unless they’re in the privacy of their own bedrooms (with the door open if they’re at Kurt’s house – as much as they try to explain to Mr. Hummel that they’re not together he doesn’t seem to believe them).

They talk a lot about the future:

“I really want us to get a dog.”

“We’re not getting a dog, Blaine.”

“Why not? How can you not like dogs?”

“It’s not that I don’t like dogs. I just don’t want one in my home.”

“Just a small one?”

“We’re not getting a dog!”

They talk about the fact that Mr. Hummel is now dating a nurse he met during his stay at the hospital, the one who was kind enough to let Blaine visit even though he wasn’t family:

“They look so happy together, Blaine. My dad is smiling constantly. He tries to act casual about it, tells me that people his age are more realistic and mature about these things, whatever that means, but trust me, I’ve seen them act like giggling teenagers more than once.” He wrinkles his nose. “But Carole is also Finn’s mother, which means that if they get married, Finn will be my _stepbrother_ , ugh.”

They discuss what kind of place they’d like have together in the future:

“I would love to have a nice view of the neighborhood,” Blaine muses.

“Sure, a view would be great, but I think it’s more important to have a place that’s tasteful and has a functional kitchen and enough space. At least, eventually. We might have to settle for something smaller at first.”

“As long as we’re together I’d be happy living in a dumpster.”

And sometimes they just dream together:

“Do you think it’ll ever be possible for us to hold hands in public without endangering ourselves?” Blaine asks one day. “Or even kiss?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt says. “I hope so. It might not happen in our lifetime though. But there are people out there, in the big cities, fighting for our rights, and that makes me hopeful. It makes me believe that we might be able to let the world see us as a couple someday.”

“That’s a nice dream.”

“Yeah.”

The day they graduate is one of the best days of Blaine’s life. High school hasn’t been too cruel to him, but he’s just so relieved – relieved that both he and Kurt made it through in one piece, relieved that no one knows about them still (apart from Tina and Mr. Hummel), and relieved that he can finally put this part of his life behind him.

Sure, there are things he’s going to miss – mainly Sam and Mike and being in glee club, but mostly he can’t wait for his life to finally begin.

Because that’s what it feels like. Today marks the end of this chapter of his life and the start of a new one. There’s a buzz of anticipation in the air, of excitement and joy, but there’s also the underlying fear of the unknown and a few tears shed by those who aren’t quite ready for high school to be over.

Blaine is though. He’s so ready. And when he finds Kurt in the crowd after the graduation ceremony, when he sees Kurt’s eyes light up as they land on Blaine and then watches him practically skip forward to meet Blaine in a crushing hug, he knows that Kurt feels the same way.

“You look beautiful today,” he whispers in Kurt’s ear and when they pull apart, Kurt’s eyes are shining with unshed tears of joy. Blaine doesn’t think he’s ever loved him more.

 _I love you_ , Kurt mouths, a huge smile on his face, and yes, Blaine thinks, today is the best day ever.


	8. Epilogue

_New York City, 2015_

It’s one of the first warm spring days of the year.

People seem to pop up from everywhere, crawling out from every corner of the city, making Blaine wonder where they’ve been all winter.

It’s nice, though, he thinks. Seeing the city come to life like this. Of course, New York is not a city that’s ever quiet or dead, but it still feels like the place is waking up somehow. Blaine loves this time of year. It’s like the air is filled with a buzz of expectation and excitement.

Ringo, their four year old Yorkshire Terrier, is clearly filled with the same kind of excitement, his tail wagging nonstop. He seems unable to stay still and Blaine can’t blame him – it’s nice to finally feel the sun beating down on them after the long winter. Blaine smiles fondly at him and reaches down to ruffle his fur, which makes Ringo look up at him and make that grimace that Blaine swears is a smile. Kurt, on the other hand, is unconvinced. “Dogs don’t smile, Blaine,” he’s told Blaine repeatedly.

They do, though. It happens all the time, Kurt just doesn’t see it.

Kurt returns just then, carrying two cups of coffee. Blaine takes a moment to study him, his posture still graceful and proud, his style of clothing still impeccable. His hair has gone completely gray at this point, but his skin is still smooth and mostly free of wrinkles (a result of proper skin care, according to Kurt), making him look much younger than his age. 

He’s still the most gorgeous man on earth in Blaine’s eyes.

“A medium drip for my husband,” Kurt says with that smile that will never fail to make Blaine feel like a teenager again, handing Blaine one of the cups.

“Thank you,” Blaine replies with a huge grin (the word ‘husband’ is always going to make him feel like the proudest man on earth), taking the paper cup from Kurt. They take a few careful sips in silence, Ringo jumping up and down next to them in an attempt to get Kurt’s attention, as if Kurt’s been gone for days instead of just a few minutes. 

Kurt finally looks at him. “Sorry, sweetie, I didn’t get anything for you,” he tells him, looking genuinely regretful.

Ringo seems pleased just to have been noticed though, and when Kurt leans down and scratches him behind his ear (his favorite spot), he seems more than happy.

They start walking slowly down the street together, sipping their coffees and talking quietly. 

“So, today is actually an anniversary for us,” Blaine tells Kurt after a while, looking sideways at Kurt.

“Oh really?” Kurt sounds unimpressed. “Which one is it today? First time you brought me flowers? First time I brought _you_ flowers? First time you wore a bowtie to school?”

“No,” Blaine says, not at all discouraged by Kurt’s light-hearted teasing. So, he pays attention to anniversaries. Several of them. But they’re important to him. They all mark important days in his life. “It’s exactly fifty years since the day I realized I was in love with you.”

Kurt goes quiet. He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Blaine looks over at him again, sees him holding his coffee cup to his lips without drinking.

“Well,” he says eventually, clearing his throat. “That’s a nice one. It’s nice that you remember. With me it happened so gradually that I can’t point to a particular day.” He pauses. “Makes me feel old though, so thank you for that.”

“You’re not old,” Blaine tells him, bumping Kurt lightly with his arm. “We’ve just been together for a long time. And you’re as beautiful today as you were back then.”

It’s pretty adorable that words like that still makes Kurt blush. He tries to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee, but Blaine knows him too well. He grins a little to himself.

They cross a side street and Blaine finishes the last of his coffee and throws the empty cup in the next trash bin. He shifts Ringo’s leash over to his left hand so he can grab Kurt’s hand with his right. Kurt’s hand still feels silky and soft in Blaine’s, even with the traces of a life lived. It still fits just right with Blaine’s, maybe even more so than it did back then, like their hands have gradually molded to fit together even better.

“Remember when we couldn’t do this in public?”

“Oh yes.” Kurt gets that faraway look in his eyes. “It wasn’t easy, all the hiding, pretending to be less than what we were.” He pauses. “But back then I also couldn’t really imagine anything else. This?” He holds up their joined hands. “This just seemed like an impossible dream.”

“I know.”

It’s amazing how much things have changed during the past fifty years, Blaine thinks. From having to hide their relationship from the world and being scared of what would happen if anyone found out, to walking down the streets of New York, hand in hand, without people batting an eye. To be honest with their friends and family and be able to openly express their love around them. To be legally _married_.

He and Kurt were one of the first same-sex couples to get married in New York more than three years ago now, although they’d practically been married for years before that, having had their own commitment ceremony and everything. Still, it was an important step. To have the world, the law, the society – _everyone_ – recognize them as a married couple. There weren’t a whole lot of dry eyes in the room on their wedding day, and no one had cried more than Tina, one of their most loyal supporters since the beginning.

Unfortunately Blaine’s mother was not one of the people who were present that day. It still saddens him to think about that. She passed away a few years earlier, but Blaine knows she would’ve been happy for him. He was in his early thirties before he finally revealed, or rather confirmed, the true nature of his and Kurt’s relationship to her, and by then she wasn’t all that surprised, just sad – sad to see the last shred of hope of one day having grandchildren and a daughter-in-law disappear.

Still, with time, she did accept him and Kurt as a couple, and once she did, she learned to love Kurt – adore him, even, to the point where Blaine was pretty sure she liked Kurt better than him. “Well, what can I say?” Kurt had said with a shrug. “I’m charming. Mothers love me.” He’s right of course – Kurt _is_ a very charming person when he wants to be, but does he really have to be so smug about it?

Blaine’s father passed away even before his mother did, but Blaine knows that he wouldn’t have showed up at the wedding even if he’d had the opportunity. He had never accepted him and Kurt. Blaine didn’t really speak with him again after he came out, but neither did he speak with him much before then, so it wasn’t that big a loss. Mostly he’s just sad that he never got to have a real relationship with him.

He had Kurt’s dad, though.

Burt Hummel was more than ninety years old on the day of their wedding and could barely walk, but he’d been absolutely determined that he was going to walk Kurt down the aisle and give him away. Kurt’s attempts at pointing out that the wedding was practically a formality, that he and Blaine had been living as a married couple for years and that both grooms had passed sixty at that point, fell on deaf ears. Burt was going to do this.

So he did, and Blaine doesn’t think he ever saw a prouder father.

When he passed away just a couple of months later, Kurt was convinced that he’d stayed alive for so long just so he could see his ‘boys’ finally get married. Blaine wouldn’t be surprised if Kurt was right. Burt Hummel had always been their biggest supporter. 

Of course, even with all the progress being made since they were young, things are still difficult back in Ohio and in so many other places across the country. But Blaine is hopeful. After seeing how much things can change in fifty years, he knows that it will happen someday. One step at the time, one person at the time. Change is still ongoing – more and more states recognize their right to get married, more and more people are doing the same. It’s such an exciting development.

Still, his heart breaks for the kids who still have to go through the same things that he and Kurt went through fifty years ago. He just hopes that they have a Kurt in their lives, or just someone who supports them, like Blaine did. 

However, he knows that not everyone is so fortunate. Not back then, and not now.

Over the years Blaine has learned that he and Kurt weren’t so alone back in the day as he thought. The biggest surprise being David Karofsky. It took Karofsky a long time to come out, but once he did, he sincerely apologized to Kurt for the bullying; confessing that he only did it because he’d liked Kurt in a way that he hadn’t known how to deal with. He hadn’t had anyone to talk to, to help him not feel so scared and confused, and as a result he’d wanted to punish Kurt for making him feel that way. He claimed that he’d never wanted it to go too far, because deep down, even though he had a really twisted way of showing it, he did have feelings for Kurt. The incident with Kurt’s father had apparently been out of his control – he claimed that his cousin and a couple of his friends were responsible for that – but Karofsky did admit that they probably wouldn’t have done and said those things if they hadn’t heard him complain about how much he couldn’t stand Kurt and called him really hateful and degrading names.

“How did you even know that I was gay?” Kurt had asked him. “I mean, the things you said to me indicated that you knew.”

Karofsky looked ashamed. “I didn’t. I knew _I_ was, as much as I tried to deny it. I guess I just took all the negative feelings I had about myself out on you.”

Kurt accepted Karofsky’s apology of course, because that’s just who he is. They haven’t seen Karofsky again after that, nor do they really care to. They heard a few years ago that he was living in Philadelphia with his long-term boyfriend, and they’re both happy to hear that he seems to have worked out his issues, but he’s not someone they’re ever going to be friends with.

Another, slightly smaller, surprise was Santana and Brittany, as much as Kurt told anyone who cared to listen that it couldn’t possibly have been _that_ much of a surprise to anyone, because to him it had been obvious even in high school. Blaine had simply pulled Kurt into his arms, kissed him softly on the lips and told him, “We don’t all have your gaydar, babe.” 

Blaine’s train of thought is broken as they’re approaching a street musician, a young man with a guitar and a boyish, expressive face. They stop to listen for a while – Blaine has always had a soft spot for these people, these artists who just want to play music, who are content as long as they have a guitar in their hands but whom also long for people to listen to them, to hear what they have to say.

This guy seems to play a mix of original material and classic cover songs. He’s good. He has the ability to make his audience feel what he’s singing, and that’s a valuable quality, Blaine thinks.

Sometimes he wishes he’d pursued music himself, that he’d made a real effort of turning it into a career. But most of the time he’s more than happy with how his life turned out. He loves his job as a children’s therapist, so much so that he hasn’t had the heart to retire yet (even though Kurt keeps bugging him to just do it already so they can finally do all the traveling they’ve always dreamed of), and felt good about keeping music as a hobby instead of turning it into a job. He and Sam have done occasional gigs around the city for more than forty years now. Somehow people never seem to tire of their Beatles covers. 

Kurt suddenly squeezes his hand. “Listen,” he whispers.

Blaine recognizes the song right away. Of course he does, it’s one of his favorites. He listens for a while, the musician’s soft voice taking him back to that amazing day, more than three years ago. 

He and Kurt had just exchanged vows, had just been pronounced husbands – and then Kurt surprised him by singing this exact song to him. Blaine, already emotional after the ceremony, was unable to keep the tears back as he watched Kurt, his partner, his best friend, his lover, his _everything_ – and now finally also his husband – perform that song with his beautiful, clear voice.

Now, Kurt turns to him fully and starts to sing along with the street musician. _Take these sunken eyes and learn to see, all your life you were only waiting for this moment to be free_. He sings quietly, his words meant only for Blaine, and his eyes are bright, as bright as they were fifty years ago when Blaine fell in love with his best friend.

He still remembers that day as if it happened yesterday. Sitting in that classroom and finally _seeing_ Kurt for the first time. In some ways, his life started that day. Usually Blaine likes to think of his and Kurt’s arrival in New York as the day that everything began, but it really did start that day in math class. That’s when everything changed.

Blaine mouths the last words of the song along with Kurt and the guitar player, gazing into Kurt’s eyes and seeing only him. _You were only waiting for this moment to arise_.

Then he leans in and kisses Kurt, right there on the streets of New York City, for the whole world to see.

The End.


End file.
